Self Love [nurture]

One of two things happens to us when we do not love and accept ourselves for exactly who we are, as opposed to only being self accepting based on what we do or don’t do.

We attract others who do not have the ability to love us either. Sure, they may find us physically attractive, or they may temporarily boost our self esteem with their kind gestures, flattering words of ourward desire for us (lust.) But we will always feel like something is missing, and indeed something IS missing.

I think most of us can agree that we desire to deeply connect with another, feel safe with another and share a mutual exchange of energy with another, the ability for both to freely give as well as receive love. But what happens when we do not learn to love and accept ourselves? Love in the context of intimate relationship becomes conditional and we place our value and worth in the hands of another in order to meet some deficit we feel within ourselves. This is a recipe for heartache, because, you see no other soul is capable of such a heavy burdon, we simply MUST learn to love and nurture ourselves first and foremost and tap into our own inner being, source within.

For many of us who never received healthy love and consistant nurturing growing up, we developed unhealthy coping mechanisms for survival. We either numbed out, filled the deficits with external pleasures and/or we developed toxic patterns of protection.

Now as adults we must change those patterns in order to connect with others with the depth we desire and build healthy, balanced relationships from there. One of equal exchange.

We MUST learn how to nurture ourselves in healthy ways. Some very helpful techniques are: Learning to feel our emotions fully and send love to those wounded parts of ourselves, or hold space for that hurting inner child. Seeking out an experienced energy healer to assist in clearing energetic blockages that keep us in a place of stagnancy, begin a meditation practice where we can temporarily silence those inner voices while tapping into our own, powerful inner being who ALWAYS knows the way and most certainly knows that which is in alignment with our highest good and passion-filled purpose.

While I do not subscribe to the belief that until we learn to love ourselves, we cannot share love with another, by learning to love and nurture ourselves first and foremost our relationships have a greater long term survival rate in my opinion, and are most certainly a lot more peaceful and calm than bringing another full on into our toxic, unhealed patterns.

Here’s to doing the work guys! Healing is far from easy, but oh so worth it.

Allowing Ourselves to Fully Feel the Void

There’s this place between no longer and not quite yet, aka “the void”.

Most of us are scared to death of this uncomfortable place.

But the truth is, when we try to prematurely fill the void we create a block within ourselves to deeper healing.

It just prolongs the process, and we find ourselves repeating the same painful patterns over and over until eventually we decide to face the void, and walk away from familiarity, or false safety, because our craving for something deeper and transformative becomes greater than temporary satisfaction.

Our perception Creates our Reality

Memoirist Anais Nin said:

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

In other words, our own perception of others, various situations and experiences is based on our own past experiences with others, situations and engrained beliefs, belief patterns, and familial, as well as societal conditioning.

These false beliefs and thought patterns are filed away in our subconscious mind as truth, even if we are not cognitively aware of such thoughts.

It is these loops that are played from our subconscious minds that stand in the way of helping us remove various obstacles that prevent us from achieving our goals.

To take it even further, those of us who were raised in toxic, and/or abusive home environments where these false beliefs were continually programmed into our sub conscious minds from an early age find ourselves struggling in many areas as adults, trying to fight some invisible force and regain our power.

Awareness of these false beliefs is the first step, but then we must reprogram our subconcious beliefs to accept these new beliefs as fact.

There are many ways, through energy healing and energy psychology where we can achieve this and I will touch on some of these techniques in future posts.

It is often times easier for us to observe these self sabotaging patterns in others from the outside looking in, but when it comes to self observation we tend to slip into victim mode and blame others for our own suffering because we still actually believe we are powerless victims on a subconscious level.

While yes, many of us were indeed vitims of abuse, be it physical, emotional or spiritual we no longer have to run that victim/abuse loop in the here and now, nor do we have to continue giving our power away due to an unresolved ‘loop’ that continually tells us that we are powerless victims.

The truth is, we are the creators of this story, our story! Love you all bunches! ❤

An Honest Post about Depression and how Diet effects Mood (for me anyway)

As shared a few weeks ago (maybe a months now) I had oral surgery which I had been putting off for a very long time. It got to the point where antibiotics/pain meds were not even touching the pain. Two molars had to be extracted. I was however on antibiotics and vicodin for 2 weeks in an attempt to alleviate the pain. During that time I lived off of smoothies. I remained on pain meds and a different antibiotic for 10 days following my surgery.

Unfortunately the change in my diet really threw me off balance. The natural sugar from the smoothies, occasional ice cream and pudding.

Clearly I was unprepared. I began craving sugar and carbs again and have been off plan for a while now.

The worst part was how my depression and anxiety returned full on.

Both depression and anxiety will creep up on you and before you know it you find yourself spiraling down at the speed of light.

When I get in this place I shut just about everyone out and go into hiding, focusing all of my energy on caring for my son, I have little else to give beyond that.

I will be starting a 10 day cleanse/detox today that consists of fruit and green vegetable smoothies. And I also started taking two specific nootropic supplements; Genius Joy, and Genius Consciousness. Both are supposed to help tremendously with mood and receive excellent reviews. I am on day three and do feel as if the fog has lifted a bit. Oh, did I mention that I also struggle with ADD? Yep, i spent 5 years on Adderall to help treat it, but stopped a year ago, as the 30 mg. I was prescribed no longer worked and I found myself experiencing many awful side effects, including an increase in my blood pressure.

Mostly I am posting because depression can be such an isolating and debilitating illness. It is as if there is a voice in your head reminding you of all of your failures, insecurities and flaws that never shuts up! Anxiety on the other hand points out all the potential problens and disasters that ‘may’ present themselves in the future.

One thing I know with absolute certainty is that diet affects my mood, and when I consume sugar, and too many carbs I start spiraling downwards.

My chronic sinusitis has flared up big time, while it was under control for 6 months, especially when I cut sugar, wheat and dairy out of my diet and kept my carb intake to under 20.

So, this is me at bottom. A reminder that I alone am responsible for my health and well being. I am free to make whatever choices I want, but there will be consequences for those choices.

So…the cleanse begins today, and hopefully by next Saturday’s post I will be back to feeling happy, healthy and energized. Until then, keeping it real as always.

My Healing Journey 8/20-26

Well, it’s been quite a week! It was a rough week for sure. I don’t share this much, but I am an empath, and an energy healer. What this means is I am a highly sensitive person who picks up on the energy of others not only individually but collectively. I tend to feel energy shifts a few days before the collective (usually 24 hours). This doesn’t make me better than anyone, it’s just the way itnis and I accept it.

With that said, this week’s energy was off the chain! I had an extremely challenging time grounding myself and remaining calm and steady. But I think I did pretty well ;).

I also had my first binge day. I ate a spicy chicken sandwich from chick fi la, a small frosty from Wendy’s and a chocolate chip cookie. Could have been worse I suppose, ha! But most importantly I got right back on program the next day and after feeling hungover for a day I’m feeling much better.

Physical- I’ve recovered from dental surgery, but dealing with a nasty cold, meh…no big deal. School started up last week so I am trying to readjust to a new schedule which involves waking up at 5:45, and a 30 minute commute each way.

I will now begin training again for my next 5k! Well, next 2 actually 🙂

I gained a pound this week, ah well. I was pretty sloppy and consumed WAY too much dairy, dairy is not really my friend.


Like I shared above it’s been a bit of a tumultuous week emotionally. But emotions don’t really scare me, ha! I feel as if I am able to really remain in control of these intense emotions and they no longer have control over me. That’s a pretty big deal! Ya know, what’s mine? What’s yours? What’s being revealed collectively? It’s A-Ok!


I am becoming my true self more and more each and every day. I am not afraid to speak my truth, because I no longer feel a need to be love and accepted by anyone outside of myself.

I no longer fear rejection or need others approval. Game changer! I’ll do me, your validation is no longer required. Love me or hate me I’m going on towards fufilling my purpose.

I rewarded myself this week with this funky little flamingo dress…because, well flamingos are awesome!

Have a great week everyone!!!

4 Months-1 Week Healing Update

4 months, 1 week stats.

Physically: No weight loss this week but I am totally ok with that as my clothes are fitting nicely. I actually fit into this dress which I have not been able to wear for a few years. So yes!! Non scale victory! I’m still feeling a but run down from the whole dental nightmare but recovering. My bp has gone back down to high normal. I am looking forward to getting g out and about again; running, hiking etc.
Overall I feel pretty good physically considering.

Emotional: As I’ve been healing from past trauma, it seems as if past issues/people reappear, almost feels like some sort of test. How will these situations effect me now after all the hard work? I’m happy to report that I am ok, actually more than ok! I have healed on such a deep level it blows my mind. My heart is open again and I am feeling a deep sense of gratitude for all my experiences.

Most people, it seems are afraid to face their own bullshit and do the difficult inner work required to experience true freedom, happiness and enjoy healthy, fufilling relationships and lives.

All of us are prone to repeating patterns, attracting and being attracted to certain types of connections, whether healthy or not based on past childhood dysfunction and wounding.

It takes a strong individual indeed to actually face these behavoir patterns head on and change them.
It’s such a painful process and it’s understandable why so many choose to avoid them.

I have so much respect for those who do chose to face their shit and create better lives for themselves and their loved ones, breaking generational patterns and conditioning.

This has been my spiritual work, to break old patterns and create a life for myself and my loved ones free of family dysfunction. We cannot change the past, we can only start where we are and move forward ❤

Healing Journey 8/11-8/18

Wow, what a week! I was finally able to have two molars pulled that originally had root canals. My blood pressure shot up too high last week to have them pulled. I went back on my blood pressure meds and my bp dropped down to 96/65!! A friend mentioned that perhaps the machine at the oral surgeons office needed calibration. Crazy…


Here are the updates 🙂


Down another 5 pounds this week, but part of that is because I’ve not really been able to eat due to tooth pain. Both molars were broken and throbbing. I did manage to stay on plan though by sipping coconut milk smoothies. I no longer need blood pressure meds as they bring my bp down dangerously low! My average resting bp without meds is around 125/80.

Blood sugar has been normal, no highs or lows.

Resting pulse has been around 60. Just 4 months ago it was 90!

I am 4 months smoke free without a single craving.

I have not been able to run due to throbbing pain in my mouth and I miss it!! I am going to start training for another 5k as soon as I recover from oral surgery. Overall my joint pain is non existent, and I just feel good physically.


I have been in a great place emotionally since starting a ketogenic lifestyle. To may keto will be yet another fad diet and they will go back to old habits, regain the weight and try the next big thing. But for me it is not about weight loss. I lose weight faster on other diets honestly. I love eating this way because it makes me feel good and balanced. No more blood sugar fluctuations or hormonal issues. I feel balanced emotionally, solid, grounded. No more high anxiety or depression. I mean, sure I have moments bit they don’t feel overwhelming like they used to.


I am continuing to walk this journey out one day at a time. I am convinced that I am being led to my purpose.

I had to be alone through this process over the last 7 years, but am now feeling as if that is about to change. I am ready to follow this next legnof the journey with a partner. I am realizing there are many truths and concepts we learn through seasons of solitude, but relationship or connection takes us even deeper into exploration and growth. All that is required is an open heart, and desire powered by intention.

We determine the ‘what’ and let go of the how or who. I have spent the past 7 years becoming that which I desire in another.

So that’s all for this week. Enjoying life right now and approaching each day with a sense of curiosity and wonder. 🙂

Much love, until next week.

25 pounds down, 10 to goal.