It has occurred to me on a very deep level recently how what we experience as pain and suffering throughout our lives truly can become our greatest catalysts toward inner healing and freedom.
I used to view myself as a victim of life’s circumstances, many situations i have experienced were beyond my control, some were a result of poor decisions i made along the way and almost always presented themselves as a result of me ignoring my intuition and being a people pleaser i just did not have it in me to say no out of fear of potential rejection.
We often blame others for our suffering, but if we are brave enough to take a long, hard look at ourselves we will almopst always discover that we were seeking something in return.
We can call ourselves martyrs, lovers, or righteous, but that only keeps us in a loop of denial and we go on continuing the same pattern.
I don’t want to go too far down the ‘primal wound’ rabbit hole here, i’ll save that for another post, however the bottom line is that in our current relationships with others that we experience as challenging or even abusive we tolerate mistreatment in a feeble attempt to settle a score from our earlier, more formative years with our closest providers.
This does not only apply to romantic relationships, but how we interact and relate to all personal connections.
Those we allow into our inner circle are the ones who most often trigger us the most. We then attach labels to them and either choose to avoid them, bond with them or form a love/hate relationship with them.
Healthy connections with others can only be obtained when we are open and willing to be honest and authentic with one another, and this requires vulnerability and trust, and that is fucking terrifying!
However change only occurs when we ourselves grow tired of our own bullshit, we are the only ones who truly have the power and ability to change, to grow and evolve beyond past conditioning and unhealthy patterns.
Vulnerability does not mean baring our souls prematurely and exposing ourselves to others before trust has been established. No vulnerability is often times more a slow unfolding, one layer at a time and simply holding a safe space for one another in the process no matter how long that process may be.