I had to be broken so I could Meet You

I came across this beautiful poem by Sarah Harvey and it brought tears to my eyes. Being broken forever changes you. Where there was once deep trust, we are faced with lingering fear; where there was once freedom, we construct the highest walls. Yet it’s in our seemingly weakest state that we somehow find strength to trust once again and together share in our brokenness, gently merging into love once more, with the deepest compassion we surrender. The ‘one’ willing to not only love us, but embrace us fully in our brokeness is the ‘one’ worth waiting for, the ‘one’ who becomes a safe place to fully trust with our delicate hearts.

  

I had to be broken so I could meet you by Sarah Harvey

It couldn’t have happened any other way.
My heart had to be splintered, smashed, just short of shattering completely.
I had to fly low and dive deep.
I had to let myself disintegrate into wounded ashes.
Yes.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because I didn’t learn to be myself until I was broken.
The exquisite elixir of vulnerability transformed me.
It opened my eyes and unlocked my heart.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because those jagged shards became beautiful as they opened up new space in my fragile heart.
Space that wasn’t there before.
Space I didn’t know about.
Space that your heart needed so it could entangle entirely with mine.
I had to be broken so I could meet you.
And you had to be broken, too.
Because when our shattered hearts saw each other for the first time,
They were wise and knew this was real.
We both breathed in, and by the time that inhale transformed into an exhale,
I was yours and you were mine.
A simple transformation, a beautiful alchemical exchange.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Of course, I was broken all along.
I just didn’t always know it.
Of course, you were broken all along.
You just didn’t always know it.
But, it’s so lucky we were both destroyed—
Because our fragile hearts slid perfectly together between those sharp shards.
Now fused permanently with glossy golden ribbon,
Our formerly tattered hearts smile and sunbathe in bliss.
Pure bliss.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because being broken made me courageous.
And I needed to be brave enough to show you my flaws,
Which are actually the things you love the most.
And you needed to be brave enough to show me your flaws,
Which are actually the things I love the most.
 

I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because brokenness made me real.
You had to be broken so you could meet me.
Because brokenness made you real.
And, what we both wanted
More than anything
Was to be
Real.
-Sarah Harvey
 

  

Embracing the Masculine Energy

“The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine. The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer _____ (fill in the blank), relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way (whatever you filled in the blank with). Embrace her, or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you. You can’t escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will. The world and your woman will always present you with unforeseen challenges. You are either living fully, giving your gift in the midst of those challenges, even today, or you are waiting for an imaginary future which will never come.” ― David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man

This is so good! I have started reading David Deida’s book “The Way of the Superior Man”. Let me tell you, my mind is being blown.  I am proud to be among the growing number of women out there who refuse to settle for shallow, superficial relationships with ‘boys’. 

Yes, boys will view a woman’s  wild nature as ‘chaotic’ full of drama, too emotional. Can I just say, that’s not my problem. As I have learned to balance both my masculine and feminine energies, I am more aware now more than ever of my truth and what I will and will not tolerate. The only way a ‘boy’ will step into his purpose and maturity is if we as women start to challenge them. I’m not talking control here, for we know control and manipulation are not going to work, they are simply ineffective tools that temporarily modify behavior. Who wants to take on such a heavy burden? 

No we use our feminine energy to challenge the masculine to step up into his ‘own’ power. This creates an atmosphere of authenticity, the choice is his, not through fear or manipulation, but love.

Likewise, men who challenge their woman by modeling the strength and confidence of their own masculine energy creates a safe place and a solid foundation for expression and growth. I have no desire for a ‘yes man’ nor do I have a desire to be ‘mama’ to a man that refuses to grow beyond hormone laden adolescence.  I am not afraid of masculine intensity, why? Because I am secure in who I am as a woman, complicated, intense emotions and all. I recognize the value of a strong, solid, secure man to bring balance to my wild feminine side. 

It’s time for men to take back their power! The power that was stripped away little by little by the extreme feminist movement to. In a sense they have welcomed this stripping as it has released them of their pure masculine responsibility, yet at the same time there has been a growing resentment toward women as a result of this emasculation.  It has created a culture of men who have objectified women, and women who have shamed men for their sexual desire. 

The TrueLove

  
THE TRUELOVE

There is a faith 
in loving fiercely

the one who is 

rightfully yours

especially if you have

waited years and especially

if you never believed

you could deserve this 

loved and beckoning hand

held out to you this way.
I am thinking of faith now

and the testaments of loneliness

and what we feel we are

worthy of in this world
and of the story

of the storm 

and everyone

waking and seeing

the distant

yet familiar figure

far across the water

calling to them.
And how we are all 

preparing for that 

abrupt waking, 

and that calling,

and that moment 

we have to say yes,

except it will

not come so grandly

so Biblically

but more subtly

and intimately in the face 

of the one you know

you have to love.
So that when 

we finally step 

out of the boat 

toward them, we find

everything holds

us, and everything 

confirms our courage, 

and if you wanted 

to drown you could, 

but you don’t 

because finally 

after all this struggle

and all these years

you don’t want 

to any more

you’ve simply

had enough

of drowning
and you want 

to live 

and you 

want to love 

and you will

walk across any territory

and any darkness

however fluid and however

dangerous to take the

one hand you know

belongs in yours.

-David Whyte -THE TRUE LOVE

Wild Mustang and Horse Whisperer-Part 2

If you’ve not yet read part one of this series, you can find it here

I have had about 4-5 dreams throughout my life that I just knew carried deep meaning. I keep a dream journal on my nightstand and try to record these dreams whenever possible. I have found that they give me great insight, acting as ‘keys’ unlocking deeper mysteries.

I shared a dream earlier this week about a beautiful love and connection between a wild mustang and a horse whisperer. This dream was not only vivid, in full color but highly charged on an emotional level.

Something that really stood out in my dream was the deep love the horse whisperer had for this wild Mare. I felt a deep sense of acceptance on the whisperer’s part of her wild nature. Not only acceptance but reverence, respect and honor. He fully embraced and enjoyed her wild nature, yet had an innate ability to work with her wildness from a secure place of love, trust and respect.

How many of us ‘wild women’ have been told time and time again (or implied) that we are too intense, too emotional, too unruly? This has created in many of us a deep sense of shame regarding our feminine qualities and we’ve often felt a need, as a result of this shame to water ourselves down, resist being authentic and true to our nature. We fear scaring others off if we choose to fully embrace our wild feminine nature. This fear is usually connected to deeply rooted fears of rejection and abandonment.  So we sell ourselves short and settle for relationships that are ‘safe’ and suppress our wildness in order to gain the approval and acceptance we’ve failed to receive in the past.

By wildness, I am not referring to a woman who is fully lead only by her emotional intensity. She must, in fact reach a place of balance within first and foremost. Balancing her innate feminine qualities (emotions) with her masculine qualities (logic).  And man, must master this as well. This balance brings a relatedness to our connection , two balanced individuals , creating a solid relationship based on mutual understanding and respect.

Towards the end of this dream, this intense passion was ignited in the horse whisperer toward me. It frightened me initially and my reaction was to run. That wild mustang nature within frightened me and I wanted to flee. He then harnessed his energy and balanced it with understanding and tenderness, securely tapping into his feminine qualities (emotions) , and I felt safe once again.  I avoided reacting in an emotionally charged way, but tapped into my masculine (logic) and expressed my fears in a calm, rational way which in turn made him feel safe.

We met and honored one another through this process, it was beautiful to say the least.

The message here? It is crucial that we seek balance within first and foremost. We must reach a place of fully embracing our masculine and feminine qualities but create space for growth and expansion.

Relationships are like a dance. A mutual give and take. Fine tuning our connection with others to meet one another in such a way that we work with this flow of ever changing energies as opposed to resisting them and fleeing when discomfort arises.  A dance of ‘coming together ‘ and ‘giving space. ‘ Because although we must work together, we must also work independent of one another, reaching a place of autonomy as well as connectedness. This space can be a difficult dynamic if we are not secure within ourselves, solid in our autonomy.

Destiny-Chance or Choice?

I came across a post this morning on Facebook.  You know, one of those cheezy memes set to a beautiful background of ocean, mountain, etc.  The message: 

“Destiny isn’t a matter of chance, but of choice”.

I pondered this for a good while over a steaming cup of Masala Chai.  How many of us can look back over our lives and recognize, in retrospect how many wonderful opportunities we’d missed out on due to our own deep seated insecurities and fears?

Be it love, career choices, location etc. anything that presented itself with that initial seed of passion, yet were carelessly tossed aside on to the rocky soil to die. The graveyard of regret.

I believe we are presented with these ‘Seeds of chance’ regularly, yet we become almost paralyzed by fear of the unknown.  Sadly, more often than not we choose instead , safety and familiarity even if our current choices lack fulfillment , joy, satisfaction and happiness. 

It’s safe, we know what we are getting and have no fear of those surprise curve balls that life might threaten us with, “no risk, no loss” becomes our new mantra.

So, we continue to survive, we continue on in the same life draining scenarios and patterns, hoping and praying that something will eventually give. Hoping for a miracle,longing for the fruit, while tossing the seeds one by one into the wasteland of regret.

What I’ve discovered is that in order to reach that place of fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness we must face our fears head on , and through wobbly legs and trembling hands dare to take the risk. 

Nothing of true value can be obtained through complacency but almost always involves sacrifice and a willingness to take a risk of some sort.

What do we desire? True love, a soulmate? Then we must risk having our heart potentially shattered. A true soulmate connection requires vulnerability and authenticity, there’s just no way around it, yet if our risk pays off we are given a rare, precious gift. A new business? We must risk potential financial loss. Close friendship? We must risk the possibility of deep betrayal. 

While many do indeed choose the path of least resistance, perceived security and safety, this path almost always leads to deep, haunting regret. 

If we can learn to embrace the risk and follow our hearts, even if there is indeed loss associated with those risks, our losses can become our greatest teachers. So in reality can there ever really be such deep loss?  We remain safe, yet empty, or we take the leap and are presented with either the deepest blessings or the most profound lessons. 

Destiny, chance or choice? I’d have to say yes to both. We are presented with the seeds of ‘chance’ throughout our lives, however we have the freedom of ‘choice’ to cast those seeds into the graveyard of regret or plant them in the fertile soil of our hearts, nurturing them with tender care and patience into full fruition.

  

Wild Mustang and Horse Whisperer-Merging of the Masculine and Feminine.

I had a very vivid dream the other night that I’d like to share, it involved a wild mustang and a horse whisperer.

I was out in a large field where I came across a black and white wild mustang.  She was running free through the fields. I felt compelled to follow her. She lead me to a large, warm barn. As I entered she had run into the loving arms of a horse whisperer. I stood there and watched this exchange for quite some time.

This horse whisperer had a certain confidence in how he interacted with the mustang. He was strong, secure, grounded and knew exactly how to calm her. He exhibited a deep inner strength.

Suddenly a overwhelming sense of love and safety became the focus. I watched as he gently touched her face, her body caressing her tenderly. Looking into her eyes,  with a warm smile and softly spoken words.

What stood out most was the emotional connection shared between the two of them. His masculine energy was harnessed and balanced with his free flowing feminine qualities, he confidently expressed. both aspects. The warrior side of him was utilized and channeled into strength and confidence, yet he calmed her, not through force but gentleness, connection and love.

He became a safe place for her. She trusted in his masculinity and strength, his patience, understanding and solidity. She was instantly tamed. She was tamed because she trusted him. Was she still a wild beast? Yes! It wasn’t her nature that changed it was her perception and understanding.  He embraced her wildness, even respected it and honored it, he didn’t force her into submission, he didn’t instill fear in her through force to obtain the desired result. A fearful animal will eventually submit, yet a fearful animal is unpredictable, unstable and will react at the first sign of perceived danger. Mutual submission and honor through love and connection, patience and consistency creates an atmosphere of safety and security. She rests in this place.
I think we can learn much through the symbiotic relationship between horse and horse whisperer.

 The true feminine is wild and free by nature, ever changing like a flowing river, wild with her emotions, intuitive and expressive.

The masculine by nature is steady, earthy, grounded and in control of his masculine energy. He simply has learned to harness it and redirect it in a way that brings solidity and strength.

What I saw in this dream was a merging, a blending of both masculine and feminine energies within , then a manifestation of balance in outward form. A merging of spirit and mind, body and soul.

Both were well aware of each other’s strengths an equal exchange; through this process a relationship was formed, a deep connection full of passion, love, consistency, confidence, trust, communication (even without words) and eventually safety and security.

 

The Connection Within-via Pinterest

 

Women, we must learn to feel safe in the presence of the masculine warrior, we must embrace and fully accept our feminine wildness. This means all of our emotions, fears insecurities and freedom. While he may appear to threatening, he invokes strength and confidence and steadfastness in us.
Men, in turn must learn to harness their intense masculine energy and properly channel it into inner strength and confidence. Men must come to embrace and accept their warrior nature, their fear of being overtaken by the wild feminine, and trust that while she might appear threatening, she invokes passion and tenderness within .
In the Native American tradition, a warrior and his horse were inseparable; in battle they fought together as one. Each in tune with the other’s spirit, they shared the Heart of a Warrior.

Wild Mustang and Horse Whisperer Part 2

https://amaliayosefa.com/2015/12/12/wild-mustang-and-horse-whisperer-part-2/

Awakened by Love

I am a window

Come, look inside

What do you see?

What do you feel?

A flood of radiant light

I am saturated in a brilliant cascade of golden warmth

Swirling and twirling all around 

Gentle breeze come in! 

See, I am open

Come, blow away the dust that has collected 

The dirt that has settled.

Sweet fragrance has returned,

 carried upon a gentle late summer breeze

I am open, come in

Your Intoxicating fragrance surrounds me

 In stillness, I breath in deeply

Inhale…I am safe
Exhale…I am home

Come, look inside
I am a window