When you consider all the various elements that must combine in forming long lasting, fulfilling love and relationship, one gains a much deeper perspective on what true relationship, or union looks like.
Think about it. We have two separate individuals, each multi fasceted and each filled with various emotions , thought patterns, experiences, likes and dislikes, values etc.
But let me back up a bit here. We all know that there must be that initial spark between two people to create interest and desire to go deeper, to explore, or what some call chemistry.
And then we have the firming of a solid foundation built on mutual trust, honesty, and connection.
Add to the equation, passion, friendship, similar values and interests, fun, laughter and mutual understanding.
Its no wonder true love is so incredibly rare.
It has been my observation that what ends up happening is we form attachments to others based on a sense of lack within ourselves. Little by little we begin to overlook those unappealing qualities in the other and in a desperate attempt to avoid our own loneliness we compromise and settle for good enough.
Humans are terrified, it seems of being alone, or feelings of deep loneliness and for many it is to be avoided at all costs.
As one becomes more secure within and although might experience bouts of loneliness from time to time, simply acknowledges those often uncomfortable moments and accepts them for what they are without trying to artificially fill the void with any old warm body, one begins to grow in confidence, and discovers an deep inner strength and satisfaction that no other living soul could come close to providing. We begin to recognognize that there is no void that must be filled, no lack or nothing truly missing.
From this state of being, although there is almost always a continual longing for connection, for the one, for love, it is no longer a mission or a feeling of desperation that fuels that longing.
We see it all the time. People enter into long term committed relationships out of convenience, believing that the early stages of a romantic relationship will sustain them , complete them, offer that missing piece they had been searching for most of their lives. However as soon as disappointment and unmet needs surface the house of cards swiftly comes tumbling down and many begin the search once again to find the missing puzzle piece. Wash and repeat.
Those of us in the world of singledom (especially after 40) have witnessed the damage first hand. A trail of wounded, broken casualties resulting in a greater inability to try and openly trust again
I offer no solutions, only observation. It is my belief that we simply must create a life for ourselves that is both fulfilling and nourishing and remain open to the possibility that another may enter our lives and add to our already rich life in a very powerful way that will help create in us an even better version of ourselves, or the possibility that we may indeed spend the rest of our days alone. If the latter is true, then the person (ourselves) that we live with is the only soul we can rely on for happiness and fufillment. And the only living soul any of us have any power or control over.