On Love, Relationship and True Connection

When you consider all the various elements that must combine in forming long lasting, fulfilling love and relationship, one gains a much deeper perspective on what true relationship, or union looks like.
Think about it. We have two separate individuals, each multi fasceted and each filled with various emotions , thought patterns, experiences, likes and dislikes, values etc. 

But let me back up a bit here. We all know that there must be that initial spark between two people to create interest and desire to go deeper, to explore, or what some call chemistry.

And then we have the firming of a solid foundation built on mutual trust, honesty, and connection.

Add to the equation, passion, friendship, similar values and interests, fun, laughter and mutual understanding.

Its no wonder true love is so incredibly rare.

It has been my observation that what ends up happening is we form attachments to others  based on a sense of lack within ourselves. Little by little we begin to overlook those unappealing qualities in the other and in a desperate attempt to avoid our own loneliness we compromise and settle for good enough.

Humans are terrified, it seems of being alone, or feelings of deep loneliness and for many it is to be avoided at all costs.

As one becomes more secure within and although might experience bouts of loneliness from time to time, simply acknowledges those often uncomfortable moments and accepts them for what they are without trying to artificially fill the void with any old warm body, one begins to grow in confidence, and discovers an deep inner strength and satisfaction that no other living soul could come close to providing. We begin to recognognize that there is no void that must be filled, no lack or nothing truly missing.

From this state of being, although there is almost always a continual longing for connection, for the one, for love, it is no longer a mission or a feeling of desperation that fuels that longing.

We see it all the time. People enter into long term committed relationships out of convenience, believing that the early stages of a romantic relationship will sustain them , complete them, offer that missing piece they had been searching for most of their lives. However as soon as disappointment and unmet needs surface the house of cards swiftly comes tumbling down and many begin the search once again to find the missing puzzle piece. Wash and repeat.

Those of us in the world of singledom (especially after 40) have witnessed the damage first hand. A trail of wounded, broken casualties resulting in a greater inability to try and openly trust again

I offer no solutions, only observation. It is my belief that we simply must create a life for ourselves that is both fulfilling and nourishing and remain open to the possibility that another may enter our lives and add to our already rich life in a very powerful way that will help create in us an even better version of ourselves, or the possibility that we may indeed spend the rest of our days alone. If the latter is true, then the person (ourselves) that we live with is the only soul we can rely on for  happiness and fufillment. And the only living soul any of us have any power or control over.

Elephant Symbolism

I had a dream recently that I was in labor, about to give birth to something very unusual, very special.

There was a certain peace in the room as I labored, but I woke up before actually giving birth.

And then, a few weeks later I saw my baby for the first time in another dream. A white, baby elephant with a red string inside of him.

Now, there are certain dreams that are a result of too much pizza before bed time, and then there are those dreams that just stay with you and you just know there is signifigance.

The father (who was hidden from me in the shadows)  of the baby and I were in the middle of a war zone, a civil war. We watched as the baby elephant passed by various violent scenes and in an instant brought change of some sort to end the violence, simply through its presence.

I looked up elephant symbolism and this is what i found.

The White Elephant

Image via google- Meg White sculptor

“The legend of the white elephant began in Southeast Asia, the home of the White Elephant. In metaphysics we learn that any animal represented by the color white, supposedly is linked to mystical legends, giving it greater power. White represents purity, the Light. Elephants represent power and peace. When the trunk is lifted it means overcoming obstacles.

In the story of the Buddha, the white elephant is connected to fertility and knowledge. On the eve of giving birth to the Lord Buddha, his mother dreams that a white elephant comes to present her with a lotus, symbol of purity and knowledge.

At the heart of the first great Southeast Asian Empire, at the Angkor Wat in Cambodia, the might of the war elephants is depicted on murals of the region’s armies. Over the next few hundred years, two states dominated the region – the forerunners of modern Burma and Thailand (Siam). In both, the elephant was a very important animal. It was key to military success – both in mass battles, and in the elephant duels. It was also key to royal pageantry – kings chose the biggest, most magnificent elephants for royal ceremonies and processions. Kings and courtiers spent a lot of time and energy hunting elephants from the forests. And the most powerful kings kept thousands in their stables.

In legend the Royal White Elephant brought sacred power. It brought fertility. For the kings of Burma and Siam, the possession of these sacred beasts became very important. A king who had many fine white elephants would be successful – his kingdom would prosper and his reign be long. If his white elephants died, it foretold disaster for the king and his kingdom.

The magnificent king needed seven things: a perfect wife, and able treasurer, a wise chief minister, a swift horse, a wheel of the law and a precious gem to guide his actions: and the most noble of white elephants. The kings hunted eagerly for these fine and special beasts. Occasionally royals presented white elephants to one another as marks of diplomacy. Wars were fought over them for the represented their rule as chosen by the gods. The Royal White Elephants were not taken to war, and not ridden in procession, Rather they were kept within the confines of the palace, entrusted to the care of senior officials, fed well, washed regularly, and worried over constantly.

Today White Elephants are very rare. They are still revered in Southeast Asia- Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam. The last white elephant in Burma was found in 1961. They are different than the descriptions of the Royal White Elephants in legend. White elephants’ sculptures, paintings, wood craves, murals and archives can be found in temples, palaces in Southeast Asia, especially in Thailand.”

– via crystal links.com

The Red String

“Apart from the red string protection from the evil eye, a red string is used for something completely different. There is the red string of fate, which is used as a connector. As the name suggests, the red string of fate determines the fate of two people who were meant to be together. The red string of fate is also usually referred to as the red thread of destiny, and it is mostly used in Chinese and Japanese folklore. Have you ever wondered how two people meet and connect so well? if they were meant for each other? According to the myths of Chinese and Japanese origin, the Gods tie a cord around the ankle of those that are to meet one another in certain situations. This is to help each to meet. The two people are intrinsically linked by the red string in order to become lovers irrespective of when, where, or how they met. One way or another, they will meet and truly fall in love at first sight and will be more than compatible. This myth is still used by the Japanese and Chinese even after the passing of all those generations. This magic cord that binds them is believed to tangle or stretch but never ever break. If you think about this carefully, this means the two people may quarrel and even have some misunderstandings, but they will soon resolve their issues and get back together because they are meant to be together forever. There has been no occasion where the cords break. The red string of fate myth is similar to the western concepts of soul mates or destined flames, where two people are meant to be together, forever and ever, and no matter what the circumstances these people will still meet.”

This dream is at the root of what sacred union or twin flame relationships mean in the bigger scheme of things. The greater purpose of these unions is alchemical in nature. The coming together of two seperate elements, creating a third, which becomes an elixir of healing and transformation in the world. 

Words

​Words

How often it is said that actions speak louder than words, yet words spoken from a heart that loves deeply, unconditionally, burning with passion and desire,  carries it’s own unique fragrance . 

There is little room here for cliches,  ‘sweet  nothings,’ or inspired quotes borrowed from another’s sacred muse.
 A Love that reaches way down to the hidden depths of the heart and soul, a place where unfinished poetry and unfufilled longing reside,  waiting for the one worthy of its expression to penetrate those secret walled off chambers, carrying a sacred release of longing fulfilled at last.
Deep calling unto deep.

A Paradigm shift? The New Male Warrior

I had a dream many years ago that was so profound that it haunted me for quite a while until I finally understood the meaning.

I joined a certain mystery man who was nameless , faceless on a men’s empowerment cruise. I don’t know how I was allowed on the ship as I was the only woman present. There were various  world leaders offering instruction and guidance to the male passengers through workshops and seminars. These leaders were defined by societies standards as successful. They wore expensive suits, and appeared physically flawless.

About halfway into the voyage while far out at sea I felt a shift in the atmosphere. There was an announcement over the ships PA system for all men to report to the deck for their supplement. As I stood in line with my companion I felt a sense of panic and dread. Yet I remained silent and observed. As we approached the front of the line I realized these men were being given hallucinogenics. My companion and I made our way back to our cabin where I tried to tell him what I had seen. He looked at me as if he was confused by what I was saying, but defended the actions of the leaders. I went into the bathroom feeling frustrated and powerless. I sunk into the bath tub and cried.

Suddenly there was a another announcement over the ships PA system. The ship had  veered of course and the captain would be docking at a nearby island temporarily to avoid an approaching storm. As we disembarked all men were required to pass through a small building for ‘inspection.’ They all complied. By now they had become like zombies from the drugs theyd been given and simply followed orders without questionong a thing. Panicked, I left my male companion and snuck around the side of the building. To my complete horror inside the building each of the men entering were being castrated. I desperately, but quietly tried to warn them but it was as if they couldn’t hear me. My companion was nowhere to be found. I fled into the jungle searching for him. Finally I sat under a tree and began crying. I heard movement nearby and suddenly locked eyes with him. He appeared frightened yet defensive as he wasn’t sure exactly who his enemy was anymore. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I begged him to wake up and snap out of it. He seemed torn and confused.

I hopped on a four wheeler and begged him to come with me. He then looked deep into my eyes, dropped his gun and hopped on the vehicle with me. We drove to the edge of the island, then up into the sky. A portal opened up and we were taken into another demension to warn others of what we’d wittnessed. It suddenly became our new, joined mission.

 

This dream does sound crazy and far fetched. Yet I believe the masculine has been subject to years of this type of conditioning on a very subtle level. They’ve been thrust into a system that defines success based on material possesions, and superficial rewards. Many men have lost touch with their feminine qualities such as intuition they’ve lost touch with their emotions and have become slaves to an ego based system of false achievement and empty rewards.

In the end, this illusion of ‘masculinity’ this artificial idea of what a real, successful man is supposed to be,  led them to castration, a true stripping away of their masculine power and a homogenization that became the new norm.

Yet, I believe this is changing. So many men are waking up and ‘jumping ship’ so to speak. They are recognizing the need for balance within and are choosing to seek out and pursue their true purpose and passion at all costs.

Now that is the heart of a true warrior!

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Once upon a time…

Old souls crave old souls to connect with. We see deep below the surface of mere existence. We carry within,  stories of ancient times and distant lands.  We meet here to relive old memories and share our stories one with another in soft whispers that speak deeply into our wounded hearts.

-Me

We all want fairytale love. Tales of old brought to life. Only we want the happily ever after without the struggle, the conflict.

What we often overlook is the happily ever after we desire obtains it’s sweetness through the bitter struggle, the seemingly impossible odds and the greatest obstacles.

The transmutation from bitter to sweet is the agonizing space few care to acknowledge. A place of no longer, and not quite yet.

This is the season of preperation, the agonizing emptiness of unfulfilled longing that haunts us at the most inopportune times. This can become a place of our greatest creation. It’s a long, painful journey through the dark wood of our very own soul, navigating through the shadow land into unknown territory.  

And just as we begin to fall into the deepest depths of despair, as the final spark of hope begins to quickly fade we are greeted by the rising sun, illuminating through the twisted woodland branches. Stepping out barefoot upon the open meadow , greeted by a vast array of wildflowers in joyous celebration of our triumphant entry as if expecting us,they dance wildly in the wind.

 With newfound hope we dare to look up once again under the warmth of the tangerine sun and find ourselves alive and renewed as we gaze deeply into the eyes of our beloved. We have arrived home at long last.

  

We Attract that which we Project

I never really believed in the concept of ‘soul mates’ or ‘twin flames’. Love was never really my thing. As a young girl most boys I met seemed shallow and superficial. I lived in a very rich inner world and spent most of my time writing, making music and skating. I was friends with a lot of boys, but it never really went much farther than that. The few times that I did decide to get involved with a guy I dealt with extreme jealousy, cheaters or superficial interaction. 
In my adult life I remained married for 21 years to the same man. It was a safe, solid marriage. It wasn’t until after my divorce that I really gained a better understanding of what was ‘out there’. Three years of dating opened my eyes to the ins and outs of relationships. I was totally clueless I’m ashamed to say and way too trusting and naive.  Here are a few things I’ve learned over the course of the past 5 years.

  • Take time to heal after a divorce or coming out of a long term relationship- It takes time to heal, recover and decide clearly what exactly we desire wihin a realationship. It’s a confusing time full of mixed emotions.  Although the lonliness feels overwhelming at times, the wound raw, it really is best to allow ourselves to heal before jumping into something new. This time frame is different for everyone, take as long as you need to resolve the conflicting emotions within. There are many out there who will take advantage of your vulnerabilities . Protect your heart by giving yourself time to heal and gain a clearer perspective on what it in exactly that you desire.
  • Learn to identitify love vs lust.- This was a huge and very painful lesson for me. Being inexperienced I was clueless  in regards to this scenario.  Be weary of those who initially come on strong, professing their love early on and using over the top flattery. There are many men (and women I’d guess) who live for the thrill of the chase. They will come on fast any furious, put you on a pedestal, convince you that you are’the one’.  Sadly, once they realize they caught you they will quickly disappear leaving you heartbroken. These types usually are emotionally unavailable and live for the high of the initial attraction, yet once issues start popping up they check out.  The best advice I have to offer is to guard your heart. It’s easy to proclaim such declarations of love while the flames of passion are burning, yet the truth is revealed once those flames die down to a simmer.  It took three short term relationships to learn this sadly. 
  • Pay attention to actions, talk is cheap- A huge lesson! It’s not what people say, it’s what they DO. If you find words and actions that  don’t line up, that’s a  huge red flag. Talk is cheap. If someone REALLY loves you, you will know, you’ll  never have to continually question it, you will know by their actions or lack thereof. 

Yes, it’s been a painful process, yet I still believe in the idea of soulmates and twin flames.  Sometimes we must learn what love isn’t before we get to experience love in it’s fullest . I learned something from each of  the men I dated. But the biggest lesson I learned was that love and acceptance, value and strength must first and foremost come from within ourselves.  As we continue to value ad love ourselves we will raise our standards and no longer tolerate mistreatment  or disrespect. When we reach a place of feeling whole and complete within we no longer seek anything or anyone outside of ourselves for validation, approval or happiness. No, we don’t NEED another, we DESIRE another to add to our already rich lives. Huge difference!  We attract what we feel we deserve. If we feel undeserving of true, mutual love and committment we will attract those who are emotionally unavailable and non committal. If we feel deserving of true love, respect and committment we will no longer tolerate being treated as a mere option in a sea of pretty faces.  

For those of us desiring true unconditional love we must first experience the pain of loss and choose to learn from those who have caused the deepest pain. They are catalysts.

From all of the pain, the pleasure and challenge emerges your greatest opportunity for growth and spiritual development. In learning the lessons from your soul-mate relationship you can begin the process of moving on and healing; clearing away those blockages that previously prevented you from giving and receiving love unconditionally. It is only when you are able to do this that you will be ready to open your heart to the prospect of meeting your true love. That person who brings out the best in you; loves, supports and challenges you in a way that enables you to be the best possible version of yourself. This person is most commonly referred to as our Twin Flame.

As the name suggests your Twin Flame is, indeed your twin. Together you have balance; you compliment the strength and weaknesses of one another, coming together for a greater purpose whilst forming a strong partnership. This relationship is all about balance, love and harmony something that cannot be achieved when one, or both partners are still holding on those shadow aspects of themselves. Those shadow aspects being fear, negative thoughts and emotions. Your twin flame will enter your life when you are in that place where you no longer feel the need to dominate your lover or relationship, no longer fear rejection or no longer carry the expectation that every romantic partner is going to betray you. When you have let go of the love issues, patterns and behaviours from the past you free yourself up to experience the love of a lifetime that is right for you.

-Om Times

You can find the full Om Times article on soulmates/Twin Flames Here

 

I had to be broken so I could Meet You

I came across this beautiful poem by Sarah Harvey and it brought tears to my eyes. Being broken forever changes you. Where there was once deep trust, we are faced with lingering fear; where there was once freedom, we construct the highest walls. Yet it’s in our seemingly weakest state that we somehow find strength to trust once again and together share in our brokenness, gently merging into love once more, with the deepest compassion we surrender. The ‘one’ willing to not only love us, but embrace us fully in our brokeness is the ‘one’ worth waiting for, the ‘one’ who becomes a safe place to fully trust with our delicate hearts.

  

I had to be broken so I could meet you by Sarah Harvey

It couldn’t have happened any other way.
My heart had to be splintered, smashed, just short of shattering completely.
I had to fly low and dive deep.
I had to let myself disintegrate into wounded ashes.
Yes.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because I didn’t learn to be myself until I was broken.
The exquisite elixir of vulnerability transformed me.
It opened my eyes and unlocked my heart.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because those jagged shards became beautiful as they opened up new space in my fragile heart.
Space that wasn’t there before.
Space I didn’t know about.
Space that your heart needed so it could entangle entirely with mine.
I had to be broken so I could meet you.
And you had to be broken, too.
Because when our shattered hearts saw each other for the first time,
They were wise and knew this was real.
We both breathed in, and by the time that inhale transformed into an exhale,
I was yours and you were mine.
A simple transformation, a beautiful alchemical exchange.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Of course, I was broken all along.
I just didn’t always know it.
Of course, you were broken all along.
You just didn’t always know it.
But, it’s so lucky we were both destroyed—
Because our fragile hearts slid perfectly together between those sharp shards.
Now fused permanently with glossy golden ribbon,
Our formerly tattered hearts smile and sunbathe in bliss.
Pure bliss.
 I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because being broken made me courageous.
And I needed to be brave enough to show you my flaws,
Which are actually the things you love the most.
And you needed to be brave enough to show me your flaws,
Which are actually the things I love the most.
 

I had to be broken so I could meet you.
Because brokenness made me real.
You had to be broken so you could meet me.
Because brokenness made you real.
And, what we both wanted
More than anything
Was to be
Real.
-Sarah Harvey