Our perception Creates our Reality

Memoirist Anais Nin said:

β€œWe don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

In other words, our own perception of others, various situations and experiences is based on our own past experiences with others, situations and engrained beliefs, belief patterns, and familial, as well as societal conditioning.

These false beliefs and thought patterns are filed away in our subconscious mind as truth, even if we are not cognitively aware of such thoughts.

It is these loops that are played from our subconscious minds that stand in the way of helping us remove various obstacles that prevent us from achieving our goals.

To take it even further, those of us who were raised in toxic, and/or abusive home environments where these false beliefs were continually programmed into our sub conscious minds from an early age find ourselves struggling in many areas as adults, trying to fight some invisible force and regain our power.

Awareness of these false beliefs is the first step, but then we must reprogram our subconcious beliefs to accept these new beliefs as fact.

There are many ways, through energy healing and energy psychology where we can achieve this and I will touch on some of these techniques in future posts.

It is often times easier for us to observe these self sabotaging patterns in others from the outside looking in, but when it comes to self observation we tend to slip into victim mode and blame others for our own suffering because we still actually believe we are powerless victims on a subconscious level.

While yes, many of us were indeed vitims of abuse, be it physical, emotional or spiritual we no longer have to run that victim/abuse loop in the here and now, nor do we have to continue giving our power away due to an unresolved ‘loop’ that continually tells us that we are powerless victims.

The truth is, we are the creators of this story, our story! Love you all bunches! ❀

My Healing Journey 8/20-26

Well, it’s been quite a week! It was a rough week for sure. I don’t share this much, but I am an empath, and an energy healer. What this means is I am a highly sensitive person who picks up on the energy of others not only individually but collectively. I tend to feel energy shifts a few days before the collective (usually 24 hours). This doesn’t make me better than anyone, it’s just the way itnis and I accept it.

With that said, this week’s energy was off the chain! I had an extremely challenging time grounding myself and remaining calm and steady. But I think I did pretty well ;).

I also had my first binge day. I ate a spicy chicken sandwich from chick fi la, a small frosty from Wendy’s and a chocolate chip cookie. Could have been worse I suppose, ha! But most importantly I got right back on program the next day and after feeling hungover for a day I’m feeling much better.

Physical- I’ve recovered from dental surgery, but dealing with a nasty cold, meh…no big deal. School started up last week so I am trying to readjust to a new schedule which involves waking up at 5:45, and a 30 minute commute each way.

I will now begin training again for my next 5k! Well, next 2 actually πŸ™‚

I gained a pound this week, ah well. I was pretty sloppy and consumed WAY too much dairy, dairy is not really my friend.

Emotionally-

Like I shared above it’s been a bit of a tumultuous week emotionally. But emotions don’t really scare me, ha! I feel as if I am able to really remain in control of these intense emotions and they no longer have control over me. That’s a pretty big deal! Ya know, what’s mine? What’s yours? What’s being revealed collectively? It’s A-Ok!

Spiritually-

I am becoming my true self more and more each and every day. I am not afraid to speak my truth, because I no longer feel a need to be love and accepted by anyone outside of myself.

I no longer fear rejection or need others approval. Game changer! I’ll do me, your validation is no longer required. Love me or hate me I’m going on towards fufilling my purpose.

I rewarded myself this week with this funky little flamingo dress…because, well flamingos are awesome!

Have a great week everyone!!!

The Hidden power of Grief

The number one block that prevents us from healing our deepest wounds is not allowing ourselves to fully feel pain and grief.

Instead, we chooses the easier emotions like anger or we suppress our emotions altogether by keeping busy or turning to cheap fixes.

I realize now that I have suppressed my grief and sadness for most of my life. 

This began shortly after I lost my mother to cancer when I was 12. It wasn’t until I was in my forties that I began allowing myself to fully grieve.

The thing about grief is that it is not a linear process,  and you can’t put a timeline on.it, you just have to walk it out however long it takes.

This healing journey is not for the faint of heart by any means. At times it feels as if there are so many layers that the grief will never end, but one thing I’m recognizing is that after another layer is dealt with and healed there comes a deeper level of freedom and joy. I suppose that’s  what fuels me to continue in a deep desire for freedom and joy.

To those who wittness this process from the outside it appears that just the opposite is taking place, as if the person doing the tough healing work is stuck and choosing to live in the past, that’s because we have been so conditioned to conceal our wounds and wear masks as a form of survival, stuff those uncomfortable feelings and hide our wounds from others.

We all need a safe place to heal, free of judgement, free of well meaning advice and free of criticism.

After experiencing this deep level grief, I want to be that safe place for others.

We can’t fix others or expect others to fix us, but we can offer others a safe haven to be their authentic, true vulnerable selves scars and all.

Musings on Tea

β€œWhen tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things. Where is beauty to be found? In great things that, like everything else, are doomed to die, or in small things that aspire to nothing, yet know how to set a jewel of infinity in a single moment?” β€• Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

There is a certain magic about the art of ‘taking tea’. He world seems to suddenly slow down as I breathe in the aroma before me in a steaming cup of tea. Tea becomes an elixir to my weary mind, my weary body; and in a few brief moments as I silently sip away, it’s as if each and every care is being washed in comfort and rest.

From the initial preparation, each step carefully calculated and focused upon, tea becomes a living, active meditation. 

Tea brings together friends and family, it welcomes strangers and evokes a certain connection and understanding that this moment in the taking of tea we are living fully in the present.

So complex it’s essence yet such a simple indulgence. Very much like humans. We take the time to indulge and embrace one another in our complexity while basking in a deep appreciation of  the beauty in the simplicity of of not only ourselves, but those around us.

  

On Death- A Lesson from a little Peace Lily

I have a little sacred space set up by my bedroom window. Each morning and evening I sit in silent meditation and prayer in this quiet spot overlooking the mountains. 

For Mothers Day my son gave me a lovely plant, a Peace Lily. I placed it on the makeshift altar in my favorite painted oak vase. 

As I was cleaning up one day I noticed the plant had been pushed toward the side of the bench and was wilted and appeared dead. I was so upset. This plant meant so much to me coming from my son. 

Suddenly this blind optimism rose up in me and I was determined to nurture this plant back to life. 

I brought it into the bathroom and placed it on the side of the tub. Carefully, I removed all the brown, dead leaves, and went out into the woods for some fresh soil. I carefully mixed up the smallest batch of healing oils and worked them into the soil with my hands sending love and healing as I mixed. I then watered it and placed it in a partially sunny spot by the tub. As the sun went down, I placed a clear plastic bag over top of it to keep it warm at night. I was absolutely convinced that I could save this ‘dead’ Lily. 
As the days went on, there was no change whatsoever. As a matter of fact with each passing day I was met with another dead, fallen leaf.  
This morning as I was cleaning the bathroom I looked over at the lifeless, wilted plant with sadness. 

 My mother had this amazing gift when it came to resurrecting seemingly dead plants. Whenever we’d visit her friends homes she’d notice any dying or seemingly dead plants in the garden and ask if she could take them home. To this day I still remember the looks on her friends faces. My mother had such a childlike optimism that many scoffed at. Yet she sure showed them as she nursed these helpless little plants back to life.  
I have decided to leave this little plant alone. As I was going to dump the soil and remains out into the woods, I felt compelled to turn around and place it back in it’s spot alongside the tub in the bathroom. 

And the lesson in this for me? We can have the greatest intentions, motivated by love, yet this little plant had reached the end of itself and needed to experience this cycle of ‘death’. I did all I knew to do to rescue it and bring it back to life, yet it was time for me to release it and trust the natural process.

How often we try to rescue others? We watch as people we love are  slowly’dying’ inside. It’s so difficult to see someone that was once so full of life little by little begin a downward spiral into darkness. We worry, we cry, we panic and we do everything in our power to save them. But what if we are really trying to save them from a natural , necessary dying process, where little by little like each fallen, dead leaf, parts of them that no longer bring life are being shed and stripped away? Who are we to interfere with this process?  How often do we try to keep friendships, realationships, careers and old, dead mindsets alive, when we know they’ve run their course. Death, It feels so final. Yet, if we can somehow view this process as something natural and necessary, not with finality, but with the promise of new life, rebirth we can release those things we desperately cling to out of fear of loss, making room for the new.

I’ll big honest, there’s a part of me that is still hoping that come spring I’ll wake one morning to find fresh, green growth sprouting through the soil, the smnllest sliver of hope. That’s ok, either way this rustic little painted oak vase with by filled with life once again either trough re-birth or something completely new.

  

I’ve placed this little lifeless plant in a warm spot on the windowsill to rest in peace.

Beauty in the Mundane-On Crafting Soap

Sometimes I feel like an outsider. I so enjoy my quiet, peaceful life here in the mountains. One thing I’ve become much more aware over the past two years of escaping the rat race is this deeper sense of appreciation for the simple things. In my previous life I rushed through everything, trying to cram it all in. Now? I am more mindful of even the most mundane. I take it all in and learn so much much from the seemingly small tasks.

I spent the morning making soap. My son was down for his nap and the house was just so quiet. As I prepared the soap, carefully measuring out all of the ingredients I was mindful of the textures and how each new ingredient reacted upon contact with the other; somewhat resistant initially, and then the merging and flow until each separate ingredient became one, in perfect balance. As I added the essential oils of frankincense, Myrrh and cinnamon I deeply breathed in the aroma, first of each oil, and then the combined essence of the three. With appreciation and a warm smile I thanked Mother Earth for providing the plant based colors I carefully blended to create just the right shade of greens and rusts. Berries of Elder and Juniper strategically placed along the top. 

A complicated process…..yes, yet a choice to be made, labor of love, creating something beautiful that not only reaches within the walls of my home, but countless homes throughout the country, perhaps even the world. 

How we set our eyes on end results and often times miss out on the process.  It’s in the process that we become more aware of each nuance, each subtle change, reaction and flow. We often loathe the moments of process in our lives, rushing through, eyes fixed on the result and often times find ourselves somewhat empty in the end. A sort of anticlimactic conclusion that leads us further along on our search for fulfillment.

 As I set the soap molds atop the worn cherrywood windowsill, beneath the ecru antique lace curtains I paused and with a sweet sigh was once again reminded of the depth of beauty and richness in the seemingly mundane.

And of course, the finished product is always an added bonus πŸ˜‰

   
Cypress, white Tea Elderberry dye made from dried, crushed Alffalfa.

 
Frankincense, Myrrh, Cinnamon white tea, dyed with ground annato.

Finding Balance in a volatile world

For the past two years I’ve lived my life in almost complete solitude. As an empath and HSP (highly sensitive person) I spent almost my entire life either being ruled by my emotions or shutting them down completely. Both extremes were damaging not only to myself, but those close to me. When I came out of a twenty year state of numbness my emotions returned full force. As an empath we not only feel deeply but we are constantly bombarded by the emotions and struggles of others as well.

I had reached complete and total burnout, causing me to become unbalanced and in turn I became vulnerable to some rather toxic people and situations. I didn’t trust my inner guidance and relied on others ‘wisdom and knowledge’ as opposed to trusting my own intuition. I was defeated and a set myself up for disappointment over and over again.

What I’ve learned during these two years of introspection, recovery and solitude is:

-Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. I don’t have to be afraid of what I feel, and I don’t have to find some sort of resolution or meaning in what i feel. All I need to do is allow myself to feel them without self judgement or criticism. I have also learned that I can shield myself from others emotions and am not responsible for them. I can send love to others during meditation without actually doing anything to fix or resolve the conflicting feelings and emotions i pick up on.
I can now differentiate my emotions from those of others by simply going into a quiet, meditative place and allowing myself to feel them. That’s it. After I feel them I release them. I release through meditation, prayer, visualization, writing and art.

-It’s ok to say no and let go of the result. I used to be a people pleaser. I was afraid to say no out of fear of being judged, disliked, or hurting others feelings. I now recognize that saying no to something that goes against my inner truth is an act of self love. When we become secure within ourselves and love ourselves we no longer feel the need to fulfill others needs that go against our inner convictions. We no longer fear rejection or abandonment. We begin living true to ourselves.

-Boundaries- This has been a huge one for me. By learning to trust my intuition and honor my inner knowing, I’ve learned to set healthy boundaries with others and let go of the result. This is not the same as putting up walls out of fear, or trying to manipulate others to achieve a desired outcome. It’s more about building fences. Without healthy boundaries I allowed others free reign over my life, as a result I have suffered loss after loss while others went on their merry way unaffected. Again, it’s an act of self love and protection as opposed to fear and remaining overly guarded. Huge difference. Those who truly love and value us will respect our boundaries and honor them.

-Self Expression- this has been a more recent revelation and a huge one. In the past when I’d become overwhelmed with emotion that was difficult to sit with, I’d release it in ways that were damaging to others. Most of the time this was unintentional. It’s one thing to share openly about my personal struggles but if those struggles involve others I need to seriously consider the effect my words may have on them. It’s important to examine our motives before sharing our struggles openly; why do I feel the need to share this openly? Am I looking for validation from others? Am I seeking affirmation?
Validation and affirmation must come first and foremost from within. Nothing and no one outside of ourselves can fill the void. If my motives are pure I must also ask myself; how will my words affect those I love? If I ask myself these questions and come to the conclusion that my thoughts and expression are coming from a pure place then I’ll share, with discretion. I can still live from a place of authenticity and openness while protecting the hearts of both myself and those I love. I am continually learning (through trial and error) the importance of calmly responding as opposed to reacting while in an emotionally volatile place.

My daughter is one of my greatest teachers. She has the ability to calmly and rationally explain things to me in a very balanced, healthy way. She is balanced in both logic and emotion and extremely empathetic and understanding. She has this amazing ability to present truth and honesty in such a way that I can receive what she speaks in truth without being hurt or taking her words as condemning, accusatory or harmful. She’s modeled this for me.

So, emotions? They’re neither good or bad. It’s only when we allow ourselves to be ruled by them that they become damaging and often times destructive. It’s really all about balance. Learning to sit with them when they are raging, feel them and accept them without instantly reacting to them. As they begin to settle we can then calmly respond in a more rational, balanced way.