The Masculine Woman

I’ve had an epiphany today.
I think men are more afraid than us women know when it comes to being assertive and approaching women.
They don’t want to come off as creepy or inappropriate, the rules are always changing.

Here’s my personal epiphany. I am more masculine by nature. Sure I looks and dress feminine but I am an extremely assertive woman. Society has conditioned me to believe that I must sit back and wait for men to make all the moves, the effort. That never felt right to me as a dom woman.

It’s about confidence ladies. There’s a certain energy each of us carry. It’s the energy of desperation and neediness the men can feel and see right through. This is why women play games. To try and hide their desperation.

A confident woman doesn’t even consider playing games but does whatever the heck she wants, without much thought as to how a dude receives it. She can’t really be rejected because she is secure within herself.

Religious conditioning taught me to be submissive and meek, and ya know, that’s just not who I am lol, I never have been.

I am a masculine woman who is also feminine who is attracted to more emotional, quiet, gentle, moody men. I can handle it! I can more than handle it I love it!

So to all you men out there who feel like you are to soft, too passive, not manly or aggressive enough, you are freaking badass! ❤

And to all you women out there who feel you are too aggressive, too masculine, you are badass and there are many men out there who love those qualities ❤

Alchemical Process-Sacred Union

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

-Carl Jung 

I think what most of us desire on the deepest level is connection. I am all for love and tend to be a romantic at heart, but connection is something far beyond love.
Out of an entire ocean of people it is nothing short of miraculous to find that one person, (or select few if you are really lucky), that you connect with on every level. Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. It is extremely rare indeed.

I have gathered stories over the years through my travels and experiences of those who have found such a deep connection.

 I am an observer and when one stumbles upon the beauty of such a connection it is easy to recognize. When they are together they radiate pure love.

I was pondering this morning how that must feel, to live out your life with a partner you share such a depth of connection with.

I am a bit unusual in that I tend to enjoy my solitude. I am not one who needs a relationship per se, because as i have experienced being with a person who I don’t connect with entirely only brings discontent and a deeper loneliness than if i were on my own. I think many choose partners who will fit into their world, who will meet their needs or fill some sort of void, or fill that place of lonliness and discontent.

I will admit that facing the world solo, and carrying the weight of everyday struggles can be overwhelming and lonely at times, but being with the wrong person only adds to that heaviness.

Two autonomous souls who each have their own unique passions, their own interests, who are comfortable within themselves seek those who add another layer of beauty, love and life to their already rich existence.Although already complete on an individual level, this sense of greater, deeper completion is birthed.

There is a certain alchemy here of two individual substances, merged, creating a third , combined substance, profound love that becomes an elixir to offer healing to the world through osmosis in a very natural, organic way.

Yet, every couple I have spoken to that shares such a connection, an alchemical union has also described this alchemical process as one of the greatest challenges both have faced. From an alchemical perspective this process involves 7 stages, each with varying degrees of intensity. The process below was taken from various sources online, mostly from.

First Stage – Calcination

This is the destruction of ego and our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a natural humbling process as we are gradually assaulted and overcome by the trials and tribulations of life, though it can be a deliberate surrender of our inherent hubris gained through a variety of spiritual disciplines that ignite the fire of introspection and self-evaluation.

Physiologically, the Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine. Calcination begins in the Base or Lead Chakra at the sacral cup at the base of the spine.

Second Stage – Dissolution

Psychologically, this represents a further breaking down of the artificial structures of the psyche by total immersion in the unconscious, non-rational, feminine or rejected part of our minds. It is, for the most part, an unconscious process in which our conscious minds let go of control to allow the surfacing of buried material. It is opening the floodgates and generating new energy from the waters held back. Dissolution can be experienced as “flow,” the bliss of being well-used and actively engaged in creative acts without traditional prejudices, personal hang-ups, or established hierarchy getting in the way.

Physiologically, Dissolution is the continuance of the opening-up of energy channels in the body to recharge and elevate every single cell. Dissolution takes place in the Genital or Tin Chakra and involves the lungs and spleen.

Third Stage – Separation

Psychologically, this process is the rediscovery of our essence and the reclaiming of dream and visionary “gold” previously rejected by the masculine, rational part of our minds. It is, for the most part, a conscious process in which we review formerly hidden material and decide what to discard and what to reintegrate into our refined personality. Much of this shadowy material is things we are ashamed of or were taught to hide away by our parents, churches, and schooling. Separation is letting go of the self-inflicted restraints to our true nature, so we can shine through.

Physiologically, Separation is following and controlling the breath in the body as it works with the forces of Spirit and Soul to give birth to new energy and physical renewal. Separation begins in the Navel or Iron Chakra located at the level of the solar plexus.

Fourth Stage – Conjunction

Psychologically, it is empowerment of our true selves, the union of both the masculine and feminine sides of our personalities into a new belief system or an intuitive state of consciousness. The alchemists referred to it as the Lesser Stone, and after it is achieved, we discover union with the Over self. Often, synchronicities begin to occur that confirm the alchemist is on the right track.

Physiologically, Conjunction is using the body’s sexual energies for personal transformation. Conjunction takes place in the body at the level of the Heart or Copper Chakra.

Fifth Stage – Fermentation

Physiologically, Fermentation is the rousing of living energy (chi) in the body to heal and vivify. It is expressed as vibratory tones and spoken truths emerging from the Throat or Mercury Chakra.

Sixth Stage – Distillation

Psychologically, Distillation is the agitation and sublimation of psychic forces is necessary to ensure that no impurities from the inflated ego or deeply submerged id are incorporated into the next and final stage. Personal Distillation consists of a variety of introspective techniques that raise the content of the psyche to the highest level possible, free from sentimentality and emotions, cut off even from one’s personal identity. Distillation is the purification of the unborn Self ¾ all that we truly are and can be.

Physiologically, Distillation is raising the life force repeatedly from the lower regions in the cauldron of the body to the brain (what Oriental alchemists called the Circulation of the Light), where it eventually becomes a wondrous solidifying light full of power. Distillation is said to culminate in the Third, Eye area of the forehead, at the level of the pituitary and pineal glands, in the Brow or Silver Chakra.

Seventh Stage – Coagulation

Psychologically, Coagulation is first sensed as a new confidence that is beyond all things, though many experience it as a Second Body of golden coalesced light, a permanent vehicle of consciousness that embodies the highest aspirations and evolution of mind. Coagulation incarnates and releases the Ultima Materia of the soul, the Astral Body, which the alchemists also referred to it as the Greater or Philosopher’s Stone. 

Physiologically, this stage is marked by the release of the Elixir in the blood that rejuvenates the body into a perfect vessel of health. A brain ambrosia is said to be released through the interaction of light from the phallic-shaped pineal gland and matter from the vulva of the pituitary. This heavenly food or viaticum both nourishes and energizes the cells without any waste products being produced. These physiological and psychological processes create the Second Body, a body of solid light that emerges through the Crown or Gold Chakra.
The alchemical process is not for the faint of heart, clearly. It is the phoenix rising from the ashes. It involves a total destruction of all that is artificial of all old thought patterns and beliefs. And this is why few truly achieve sacred union. It is easier to continue on with what offers comfort. Yet, comfort always has an underlying restless, unfufilled yearning attached to it. 



How often it is said that actions speak louder than words, yet words spoken from a heart that loves deeply, unconditionally, burning with passion and desire,  carries it’s own unique fragrance . 

There is little room here for cliches,  ‘sweet  nothings,’ or inspired quotes borrowed from another’s sacred muse.
 A Love that reaches way down to the hidden depths of the heart and soul, a place where unfinished poetry and unfufilled longing reside,  waiting for the one worthy of its expression to penetrate those secret walled off chambers, carrying a sacred release of longing fulfilled at last.
Deep calling unto deep.

Be your own Hero

​I won’t compete with any woman to ‘win’ a mans heart, ever.  If i ever have to lower myself by showing my boobs,  playing the role of damsel in distress, broken bird in need of rescuing, or use my sexuality to lure him in, I have chosen the wrong man. I have given away my true power. My heart has been broken as a result of my personal convictions many times and i have confused a mans lust for me as love, only to end up broken and alone in the end.
When beauty begins to fade (and it will) and the fire of passion dies down (and it will) as lifes mundane challenges begin to surface (they will)  It is my heart that will be my greatest asset, my ability to love without condition, offer a lasting devotion, and my inner strength the pure essence of who i am, forged by a willingness to heal and transform my own deepest wounds.
So girls, you ‘win’ him through seduction…Until the next ‘hot girl’ comes along willing to offer even more without any pressure placed on him to actually evolve and grow through his personal challenges and struggles. And when the hero becomes wounded in battle, no longer able to to rescue the poor maiden from her own demise,  she will find herself a new hero while you bleed alone. 
What have you really won?  You won temporary infatuation which may feel like love until the going gets tough and you find yourself weathering the storms alone. 
You deserve more. So much more. A man who cherishes your tender heart and vows to protect it and pour into it the love you deserve, the one who recognizes your inner beauty and nurtures that which is already inside of you,  one who believes in your ability to fight your own battles and courageously supports you and stands by you resisting the urge to save you, he trusts in your ability to save yourself. 
Sweet girl, until you learn to see yourself as beautiful, loved and valuable you will continue to seek validation from men who offer flattery and empty promises until another shiny new object comes along..  A woman who is confident has no need for such shallowness.

And then, She leaped off into the Great Unknown


Throughout the day i felt as if i were on the edge of a cliff.  I have endured 5 painfully intense years of deep inner healing, shadow work as Jung would call it.  A stripping away of years worth of conditioning where I lost myself in the end. I often refer to the past 5 years (really began 10 years ago with a dream) as a coming home, returning to that place of passion and childlike wonder. 

The final year was a bitch.

 I was required to go deeper into shadow land than ever before, to that place of the most painful core wounds. I recall days where all I could do was lie in bed curled up in a ball and cry for hours. I didn’t even understand why I was crying most of the time. I later came to realize that this was a process of purging or releasing and it was vital, and deeply healing.

I began, in a desperate attempt for relief to forgive every single person I could think of who ever hurt me. I mean, honestly forgive and release them from any obligation to prove that they were sorry or repentant. 

And suddenly, the heaviness began to lift. Day by day I felt more and more peace and deeper love and tenderness, kindness and compassion for myself and others.

I would walk around town and interract with people, seeing right through their masks to who they really were, feeling their struggles, joys and sorriws. Sometimes this was a beautiful experience, other times a bit disturbing to say the least, but I have learned through this dark night how to shield myself as an empath from negative energy while still remaining present with others.

And then 7/17

I had been seeing the number 717 and 707 everywhere for weeks, if not months. I looked back in my journal and noticed i’d jotted down the date 7/17 back in April as a pivotal time on this journey. 

The cliff

Here i stood the morning of 7/17/16 I had this inner knowing that this particular season had come to an end at last, the deep purging had ceased and it was time to take a leap into the great unknown. 

Over the course of 10 years I had srudied and trained in the areas of holistic health, herbalism, nutrition, psychology and had gone deep spiritually through my dark night,  doing the necessary soul work. And now I was being asked to leap and accept my calling, my purpose.

The problem was I only had puzzle pieces and no real well laid out plan. And suddenly i was reminded of that dream I’d had, that life altering dream years back, where I was walking all alone down that moonlit path only able to see a few steps in front of me. Here I was being asked to respond to the call by taking the leap, trusting that I would land safely down upon a brand new path and that all would be revealed rather quickly upon landing. I had the choice to turn back, but in turning back I would remain stuck, walking back into the past and dealing with the same old issues, those all to familiar demons. Round and round and round. 

It took me most of the day and much wrestling with my ego, my fears, the possibility of rejection,  and further abandonment…Closer and closer to the edge I inched. In answering this call I had no idea what I would be facing and I knew once I took this leap there would be no turning back, life as I knew it would never be the same. There was a certain somberness, a holiness out here on the edge.

I called a mentor of mine who had srood by me through this process for three years. “Just do it, jump” I spoke to friends, loved ones, family, searching for guidance and direction. But i quickly realized no one was going to hold my hand through this, this was to be a very personal, solo act of faith that I alone had to make this decision.

I journaled, prayed, asked for just a little hint of what was awaiting me at the bottom….silence. All I heard was jump or remain stagnant, miserable and discouraged.

Suddenly I was right on the edge and I began crying and bargaining with the powers that be.


I started trembling,  and crying from the deepest place inside of me, and finally I said… 

Ok, I accept this call on my life, today I choose to jump. I choose to accept the uncertainty, the unknown and me deepest fears and trust that in taking this leap I will be protected, provided for and safe.

I jumped, compmetely alone….

I was then filled with the deepest peace I had ever known and the greatest sense of relief. There was no loud crash, no choir of angels singing the halelujah chorus, there was no more fear, but a profound sense of freedom, excitement, passion and love.

Passion, often feels like anger misplaced, anticipation like crippling fear…

 Yet a slight adjustment in our thinking and we find ourselves experiencing renewed passion and anticipation of greater things to come.

More to come as I chronicle this epic adventure. Already, day 3 post leap and I feel like a different person. Amazing new insight has been given daily, keys that are unlocking doors to my purpose. There is no going back. I journey on.

A Paradigm shift? The New Male Warrior

I had a dream many years ago that was so profound that it haunted me for quite a while until I finally understood the meaning.

I joined a certain mystery man who was nameless , faceless on a men’s empowerment cruise. I don’t know how I was allowed on the ship as I was the only woman present. There were various  world leaders offering instruction and guidance to the male passengers through workshops and seminars. These leaders were defined by societies standards as successful. They wore expensive suits, and appeared physically flawless.

About halfway into the voyage while far out at sea I felt a shift in the atmosphere. There was an announcement over the ships PA system for all men to report to the deck for their supplement. As I stood in line with my companion I felt a sense of panic and dread. Yet I remained silent and observed. As we approached the front of the line I realized these men were being given hallucinogenics. My companion and I made our way back to our cabin where I tried to tell him what I had seen. He looked at me as if he was confused by what I was saying, but defended the actions of the leaders. I went into the bathroom feeling frustrated and powerless. I sunk into the bath tub and cried.

Suddenly there was a another announcement over the ships PA system. The ship had  veered of course and the captain would be docking at a nearby island temporarily to avoid an approaching storm. As we disembarked all men were required to pass through a small building for ‘inspection.’ They all complied. By now they had become like zombies from the drugs theyd been given and simply followed orders without questionong a thing. Panicked, I left my male companion and snuck around the side of the building. To my complete horror inside the building each of the men entering were being castrated. I desperately, but quietly tried to warn them but it was as if they couldn’t hear me. My companion was nowhere to be found. I fled into the jungle searching for him. Finally I sat under a tree and began crying. I heard movement nearby and suddenly locked eyes with him. He appeared frightened yet defensive as he wasn’t sure exactly who his enemy was anymore. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I begged him to wake up and snap out of it. He seemed torn and confused.

I hopped on a four wheeler and begged him to come with me. He then looked deep into my eyes, dropped his gun and hopped on the vehicle with me. We drove to the edge of the island, then up into the sky. A portal opened up and we were taken into another demension to warn others of what we’d wittnessed. It suddenly became our new, joined mission.


This dream does sound crazy and far fetched. Yet I believe the masculine has been subject to years of this type of conditioning on a very subtle level. They’ve been thrust into a system that defines success based on material possesions, and superficial rewards. Many men have lost touch with their feminine qualities such as intuition they’ve lost touch with their emotions and have become slaves to an ego based system of false achievement and empty rewards.

In the end, this illusion of ‘masculinity’ this artificial idea of what a real, successful man is supposed to be,  led them to castration, a true stripping away of their masculine power and a homogenization that became the new norm.

Yet, I believe this is changing. So many men are waking up and ‘jumping ship’ so to speak. They are recognizing the need for balance within and are choosing to seek out and pursue their true purpose and passion at all costs.

Now that is the heart of a true warrior!