Our Triggers- Empowering Catalysts

So, i’ve been thinking….As an intuitive mentor, I interact with people daily from various backgrounds, cultures and religions. 

Most people who contact me are seeking guidance in regard to relationship issues; be it romantic, family dischord, friendships, work, etc.

A common theme I encounter regularly is blame shifting. “How could they do this to me?” “He/she is constantly making me feel like shit, unimportant, invisible, like a loser, etc.

I have been really thinking on this dynamic for a while now and this morning it just clicked.

Nobody else ever has the power to make us feel anything

Please, read that statement again.

Sure, others can trigger us and bring our own deepest insecurities, fears and false beliefs to the surface, and they will, guaranteed. However we give our personal power away by allowing others to define us and/or dictate how we feel, think, or what we believe.

Do you see it? This is where we learn to become more self aware and use these triggers as a source of inner healing and soul growth. 

Now there are situations that are downright abusive such as narcissism and sociopathy, and i would never suggest remaining involved in situations with people who fit that profile, but as we begin to recognize the triggers that others activate in us, and heal the core wounds associated with them we get to a place where others actions might irritate us temporarily, but they no longer affect us beyond that place of momentary irritation.

This is an extremely empowering place to be my loves. I hope you can really get this today ❤

New Beginings

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”

-Lao Tzu

Painful endings seem to be the theme right now for so many. Whether it’s a career change, a move, a relationship, old beliefs being stripped away, or old patterns that no longer serve us or others. Yet in order to create space for the new, we must let go of the old. Though no longer fruitful, the old is familiar and offers a sense of safety and security albeit false.

It is a painful process, this stripping away, especially when we cannot see even a glimmer of hope on the horizon. It is like walking through a thick fog not completely sure where we might end up. It is scary and can really throw us off balance pretty easily. The trick, i think is to just keep walking and somehow come to terms with the not knowing. This takes radical faith to say the least, and complete surrender, but really what other options do we have?  It feels like the final stages of labor. And through wave after wave of pain and discomfort we tend to lose sight of the beautiful, miraculous gift thats nearly ours to embrace. The tangibility of new life realized at long last. A few more pushes beloveds, surrender to the process from a place on non resistance which only brings more pain and exhaustion. 

We are almost there, very soon the substance of what we’ve  hoped for, the evidence fully seen. ❤

Be your own Hero

​I won’t compete with any woman to ‘win’ a mans heart, ever.  If i ever have to lower myself by showing my boobs,  playing the role of damsel in distress, broken bird in need of rescuing, or use my sexuality to lure him in, I have chosen the wrong man. I have given away my true power. My heart has been broken as a result of my personal convictions many times and i have confused a mans lust for me as love, only to end up broken and alone in the end.
When beauty begins to fade (and it will) and the fire of passion dies down (and it will) as lifes mundane challenges begin to surface (they will)  It is my heart that will be my greatest asset, my ability to love without condition, offer a lasting devotion, and my inner strength the pure essence of who i am, forged by a willingness to heal and transform my own deepest wounds.
So girls, you ‘win’ him through seduction…Until the next ‘hot girl’ comes along willing to offer even more without any pressure placed on him to actually evolve and grow through his personal challenges and struggles. And when the hero becomes wounded in battle, no longer able to to rescue the poor maiden from her own demise,  she will find herself a new hero while you bleed alone. 
What have you really won?  You won temporary infatuation which may feel like love until the going gets tough and you find yourself weathering the storms alone. 
You deserve more. So much more. A man who cherishes your tender heart and vows to protect it and pour into it the love you deserve, the one who recognizes your inner beauty and nurtures that which is already inside of you,  one who believes in your ability to fight your own battles and courageously supports you and stands by you resisting the urge to save you, he trusts in your ability to save yourself. 
Sweet girl, until you learn to see yourself as beautiful, loved and valuable you will continue to seek validation from men who offer flattery and empty promises until another shiny new object comes along..  A woman who is confident has no need for such shallowness.

And then, She leaped off into the Great Unknown

7/1716

Throughout the day i felt as if i were on the edge of a cliff.  I have endured 5 painfully intense years of deep inner healing, shadow work as Jung would call it.  A stripping away of years worth of conditioning where I lost myself in the end. I often refer to the past 5 years (really began 10 years ago with a dream) as a coming home, returning to that place of passion and childlike wonder. 

The final year was a bitch.

 I was required to go deeper into shadow land than ever before, to that place of the most painful core wounds. I recall days where all I could do was lie in bed curled up in a ball and cry for hours. I didn’t even understand why I was crying most of the time. I later came to realize that this was a process of purging or releasing and it was vital, and deeply healing.

I began, in a desperate attempt for relief to forgive every single person I could think of who ever hurt me. I mean, honestly forgive and release them from any obligation to prove that they were sorry or repentant. 

And suddenly, the heaviness began to lift. Day by day I felt more and more peace and deeper love and tenderness, kindness and compassion for myself and others.

I would walk around town and interract with people, seeing right through their masks to who they really were, feeling their struggles, joys and sorriws. Sometimes this was a beautiful experience, other times a bit disturbing to say the least, but I have learned through this dark night how to shield myself as an empath from negative energy while still remaining present with others.

And then 7/17

I had been seeing the number 717 and 707 everywhere for weeks, if not months. I looked back in my journal and noticed i’d jotted down the date 7/17 back in April as a pivotal time on this journey. 

The cliff

Here i stood the morning of 7/17/16 I had this inner knowing that this particular season had come to an end at last, the deep purging had ceased and it was time to take a leap into the great unknown. 

Over the course of 10 years I had srudied and trained in the areas of holistic health, herbalism, nutrition, psychology and had gone deep spiritually through my dark night,  doing the necessary soul work. And now I was being asked to leap and accept my calling, my purpose.

The problem was I only had puzzle pieces and no real well laid out plan. And suddenly i was reminded of that dream I’d had, that life altering dream years back, where I was walking all alone down that moonlit path only able to see a few steps in front of me. Here I was being asked to respond to the call by taking the leap, trusting that I would land safely down upon a brand new path and that all would be revealed rather quickly upon landing. I had the choice to turn back, but in turning back I would remain stuck, walking back into the past and dealing with the same old issues, those all to familiar demons. Round and round and round. 

It took me most of the day and much wrestling with my ego, my fears, the possibility of rejection,  and further abandonment…Closer and closer to the edge I inched. In answering this call I had no idea what I would be facing and I knew once I took this leap there would be no turning back, life as I knew it would never be the same. There was a certain somberness, a holiness out here on the edge.

I called a mentor of mine who had srood by me through this process for three years. “Just do it, jump” I spoke to friends, loved ones, family, searching for guidance and direction. But i quickly realized no one was going to hold my hand through this, this was to be a very personal, solo act of faith that I alone had to make this decision.

I journaled, prayed, asked for just a little hint of what was awaiting me at the bottom….silence. All I heard was jump or remain stagnant, miserable and discouraged.

Suddenly I was right on the edge and I began crying and bargaining with the powers that be.

Nope

I started trembling,  and crying from the deepest place inside of me, and finally I said… 

Ok, I accept this call on my life, today I choose to jump. I choose to accept the uncertainty, the unknown and me deepest fears and trust that in taking this leap I will be protected, provided for and safe.

I jumped, compmetely alone….

I was then filled with the deepest peace I had ever known and the greatest sense of relief. There was no loud crash, no choir of angels singing the halelujah chorus, there was no more fear, but a profound sense of freedom, excitement, passion and love.

Passion, often feels like anger misplaced, anticipation like crippling fear…

 Yet a slight adjustment in our thinking and we find ourselves experiencing renewed passion and anticipation of greater things to come.

More to come as I chronicle this epic adventure. Already, day 3 post leap and I feel like a different person. Amazing new insight has been given daily, keys that are unlocking doors to my purpose. There is no going back. I journey on.

I choose to jump

“Sometimes you just have to jump out the window and grow wings on the way down.”

-Ray Bradbury

At some point in our lives we come face to face with fear. Old fears deeply ingrained in us. We find ourself standing at the edge of a proverbial cliff. We realize to jump would mean we risk falling, becoming completely broken.
We look back into the darkness, a darkness that has become agonizing, yet familiar, and for years, often times the better part of our lives this darkness, though miserable has offered a certain level of comfort. We know what to expect, there’s certainty and familiarity.  Yet it has left us numb, dead inside.
Do we take the risk? Do we leap?

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”
-Rumi

I would have to say yes! Although leaping off into the great unknown is terrifying, it is also exhilarating! It becomes a leap into deep freedom we never would have known had we chosen to remain in darkness.  As we leap, we learn to fly, this takes time, strength and perseverance.  But we eventually find ourselves soaring higher than we’ve ever dreamed possible. Learning to fly can be awkward and messy, and there are times we find ourselves longing to return to that place of false security and familiarity upon solid ground even though we know we never truly can go back.

But as we continue to fly, eventually we find rest upon solid ground once again. And this is where we learn to walk. This is the begining of a new journey for us.

So when given the choice, I’d like to encourage you to choose the leap.

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A few thoughts on Healing

We can’t fix or heal others. People can only heal themselves by facing their shadows and actually doing the work. I’ve had to learn this the hard way over the years. Hurt people, hurt people. Whether intentional or not. I will lovingly walk with others through their healing process as long as they are making an effort, but I will no longer try to rescue anyone, it never ends well. Even the greatest love can’t save someone who isn’t willing to do the dirty work and save themself.

On Forgiveness

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Forgiveness
I’ve been working toward learning to forgive others who have hurt me. This is no easy task.

To forgive when there’s no apology or acknowledgement of wrongdoing is an act of faith.

The reality is, if we continue to hold on to anger, pain and resentment we are the ones who remain imprisoned. Held captive in a prison of our very own creation. It’s here where we become bitter and angry and sink deeper into darkness and despair.
There must come a time where we stop trying to make sense of injustices brought against us, stop questioning, stop analyzing and just let it go, forgive and move on.
By remaining in this place or darkness we close ourselves off to the good that God/The Universe has for us. And the thing is, the people who hurt us go on without a thought or care for our suffering. We punish ourselves. By holding on to resentment we slowly become mirror images of those who hurt us. We allow darkness full access to our hearts and attract more of the same from the outside. A vicious cycle.
Yes, people will hurt us, yes they will betray us, yes they will lie and use us. But really karma will bring Justice, it’s not our job to remain captive to the behaviors of others. We have a life to live here and now, we have a purpose to pursue. We give our power away by remaining captive to the actions of others.
Let it go. Move on.
What we put out there in the ether we attract. Put out the love that you are and those who truly love and value you will be drawn to you.

Forgive yourself. We are all doing the best we can.

Forgive them. They too are doing the best they can.

Learn from past mistakes and resolve to change those patterns. Our biggest struggles can become our greatest lessons.