My Healing Journey 8/20-26

Well, it’s been quite a week! It was a rough week for sure. I don’t share this much, but I am an empath, and an energy healer. What this means is I am a highly sensitive person who picks up on the energy of others not only individually but collectively. I tend to feel energy shifts a few days before the collective (usually 24 hours). This doesn’t make me better than anyone, it’s just the way itnis and I accept it.

With that said, this week’s energy was off the chain! I had an extremely challenging time grounding myself and remaining calm and steady. But I think I did pretty well ;).

I also had my first binge day. I ate a spicy chicken sandwich from chick fi la, a small frosty from Wendy’s and a chocolate chip cookie. Could have been worse I suppose, ha! But most importantly I got right back on program the next day and after feeling hungover for a day I’m feeling much better.

Physical- I’ve recovered from dental surgery, but dealing with a nasty cold, meh…no big deal. School started up last week so I am trying to readjust to a new schedule which involves waking up at 5:45, and a 30 minute commute each way.

I will now begin training again for my next 5k! Well, next 2 actually ūüôā

I gained a pound this week, ah well. I was pretty sloppy and consumed WAY too much dairy, dairy is not really my friend.

Emotionally-

Like I shared above it’s been a bit of a tumultuous week emotionally. But emotions don’t really scare me, ha! I feel as if I am able to really remain in control of these intense emotions and they no longer have control over me. That’s a pretty big deal! Ya know, what’s mine? What’s yours? What’s being revealed collectively? It’s A-Ok!

Spiritually-

I am becoming my true self more and more each and every day. I am not afraid to speak my truth, because I no longer feel a need to be love and accepted by anyone outside of myself.

I no longer fear rejection or need others approval. Game changer! I’ll do me, your validation is no longer required. Love me or hate me I’m going on towards fufilling my purpose.

I rewarded myself this week with this funky little flamingo dress…because, well flamingos are awesome!

Have a great week everyone!!!

Our Triggers- Empowering Catalysts

So, i’ve been thinking….As an intuitive mentor, I interact with people daily from various backgrounds, cultures and religions. 

Most people who contact me are seeking guidance in regard to relationship issues; be it romantic, family dischord, friendships, work, etc.

A common theme I encounter regularly is blame shifting. “How could they do this to me?” “He/she is constantly making me feel like shit, unimportant, invisible, like a loser, etc.

I have been really thinking on this dynamic for a while now and this morning it just clicked.

Nobody else ever has the power to make us feel anything

Please, read that statement again.

Sure, others can trigger us and bring our own deepest insecurities, fears and false beliefs to the surface, and they will, guaranteed. However we give our personal power away by allowing others to define us and/or dictate how we feel, think, or what we believe.

Do you see it? This is where we learn to become more self aware and use these triggers as a source of inner healing and soul growth. 

Now there are situations that are downright abusive such as narcissism and sociopathy, and i would never suggest remaining involved in situations with people who fit that profile, but as we begin to recognize the triggers that others activate in us, and heal the core wounds associated with them we get to a place where others actions might irritate us temporarily, but they no longer affect us beyond that place of momentary irritation.

This is an extremely empowering place to be my loves. I hope you can really get this today ‚̧

On Suffering- Pain the Great Catalyst 

‚ÄčIt has occurred to me on a very deep level recently how what we experience as pain and suffering throughout our lives truly can become our greatest catalysts toward inner healing and freedom.
I used to view myself as a victim of life’s circumstances, many situations i have experienced were beyond my control, some were a result of poor decisions i made along the way and almost always presented themselves as a result of me ignoring my intuition and being a people pleaser i just did not have it in me to say no out of fear of potential rejection.

We often blame others for our suffering, but if we are brave enough to take a long, hard look at ourselves we will almopst always discover that we were seeking something in return.
We can call ourselves martyrs, lovers, or righteous, but that only keeps us in a loop of denial and we go on continuing the same pattern.

I don’t want to go too far down the ‘primal wound’ rabbit hole here, i’ll save that for another post, however the bottom line is that in our current relationships with others that we experience as challenging or even abusive we tolerate mistreatment in a feeble attempt to settle a score from our earlier, more formative years with our closest providers.

This does not only apply to romantic relationships, but how we interact and relate to all personal connections.

Those we allow into our inner circle are the ones who most often trigger us the most. We then attach labels to them and either choose to avoid them, bond with them or form a love/hate relationship with them.

Healthy connections with others can only be obtained when we are open and willing to be honest and authentic with one another, and this requires vulnerability and trust, and that is fucking terrifying!

However change only occurs when we ourselves grow tired of our own bullshit, we are the only ones who truly have the power and ability to change, to grow and evolve beyond past conditioning and unhealthy patterns.

Vulnerability does not mean baring our souls prematurely and exposing ourselves to others before trust has been established. No vulnerability is often times more a slow unfolding, one layer at a time and simply holding a safe space for one another in the process no matter how long that process may be. 

I’m fine thank you..

Those of us who consider ourselves highly sensitive and empathic have learned over the years to simply answer the dreaded “How are you” question with “I am fine, thanks” and a smile. It’s just easier that way. As infj’s we tend to protect ourselves from others and few are granted access into our emotionally complex inner worlds. It’s as if we have been conditioned over the years to associate our complex emotional states with shame and in sharing with most people the shame of feeling as if we are ‘too intense’ for most people.

So, what do we do? We pour ourselves into the lives of others and give, yet often when it comes to our own suffering, we suffer alone,  in silence, it’s just simpler that way. 

I can count on one hand the number of people that I can be completely vulnerable with….ok, maybe 2 or 3 fingers.  

I have learned over the years how to self soothe and care for my own complex emotional needs. You see most of us who feel deeply are not looking for anyone to rescue 

us, give us answers or pity us, we simply desire connection and understanding on at least some level, both which are extremely rare.

I have no solution for this dilema i’m afraid, but i suppose this post might help a few who share the same struggle in not feeling like such an enigma.

Gestation

So many of us give up on our dreams prematurely because we either resist, or grow weary during the gestation period.
It occurred to me this morning that when life (passion) is sparked within the womb it is an initial merging of two separate ‘elements’ a sperm and an egg. These two elements join together creating a third element, this third element is then planted deep within the darkness of the womb where it will grow, and form into a thriving new life form.
It is in the darkness of the womb that it is nourished and nurtured, under the protection of mother. It does nothing but receive, grow and rest.
As it continues to grow it begins experiencing the constraints of its environment eventually, it is now way too large to be held in darkness any longer.
And with a sudden gush, the waters are released and this life is pushed down through the darkness of the birth canal and at long last brought into light. (Realization)
How often we rush this process. Through pain and discomfort, ups and downs, fear and anticipation we want what we want and we want it now! Yet if born prematurely , this new life, this third energy would fail to thrive when faced with the external elements outside the womb.
We grow so weary and impatient during this gestation period and through striving try to  birth our dreams too soon for them to actually come into the physical and thrive. With all things in life that carry deep value, there simply must be a time dedicated to growth and nourishment. And as impatient as we might become during the gestation process it is an excellent opportunity to dream, to visualize exactly what it is we desire and to simply allow ourselves to gain greater wisdom for the coming journey, our journey home to our most authentic selves living a life of purpose and passion.

Be your own Hero

‚ÄčI won’t compete with any woman to ‘win’ a mans heart, ever.  If i ever have to lower myself by showing my boobs,  playing the role of damsel in distress, broken bird in need of rescuing, or use my sexuality to lure him in, I have chosen the wrong man. I have given away my true power. My heart has been broken as a result of my personal convictions many times and i have confused a mans lust for me as love, only to end up broken and alone in the end.
When beauty begins to fade (and it will) and the fire of passion dies down (and it will) as lifes mundane challenges begin to surface (they will)  It is my heart that will be my greatest asset, my ability to love without condition, offer a lasting devotion, and my inner strength the pure essence of who i am, forged by a willingness to heal and transform my own deepest wounds.
So girls, you ‘win’ him through seduction…Until the next ‘hot girl’ comes along willing to offer even more without any pressure placed on him to actually evolve and grow through his personal challenges and struggles. And when the hero becomes wounded in battle, no longer able to to rescue the poor maiden from her own demise,  she will find herself a new hero while you bleed alone. 
What have you really won?  You won temporary infatuation which may feel like love until the going gets tough and you find yourself weathering the storms alone. 
You deserve more. So much more. A man who cherishes your tender heart and vows to protect it and pour into it the love you deserve, the one who recognizes your inner beauty and nurtures that which is already inside of you,  one who believes in your ability to fight your own battles and courageously supports you and stands by you resisting the urge to save you, he trusts in your ability to save yourself. 
Sweet girl, until you learn to see yourself as beautiful, loved and valuable you will continue to seek validation from men who offer flattery and empty promises until another shiny new object comes along..  A woman who is confident has no need for such shallowness.

I choose to jump

“Sometimes you just have to jump out the window and grow wings on the way down.”

-Ray Bradbury

At some point in our lives we come face to face with fear. Old fears deeply ingrained in us. We find ourself standing at the edge of a proverbial cliff. We realize to jump would mean we risk falling, becoming completely broken.
We look back into the darkness, a darkness that has become agonizing, yet familiar, and for years, often times the better part of our lives this darkness, though miserable has offered a certain level of comfort. We know what to expect, there’s certainty and familiarity.  Yet it has left us numb, dead inside.
Do we take the risk? Do we leap?

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”
-Rumi

I would have to say yes! Although leaping off into the great unknown is terrifying, it is also exhilarating! It becomes a leap into deep freedom we never would have known had we chosen to remain in darkness.  As we leap, we learn to fly, this takes time, strength and perseverance.  But we eventually find ourselves soaring higher than we’ve ever dreamed possible. Learning to fly can be awkward and messy, and there are times we find ourselves longing to return to that place of false security and familiarity upon solid ground even though we know we never truly can go back.

But as we continue to fly, eventually we find rest upon solid ground once again. And this is where we learn to walk. This is the begining of a new journey for us.

So when given the choice, I’d like to encourage you to choose the leap.

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