One of two things happens to us when we do not love and accept ourselves for exactly who we are, as opposed to only being self accepting based on what we do or don’t do.
We attract others who do not have the ability to love us either. Sure, they may find us physically attractive, or they may temporarily boost our self esteem with their kind gestures, flattering words of ourward desire for us (lust.) But we will always feel like something is missing, and indeed something IS missing.
I think most of us can agree that we desire to deeply connect with another, feel safe with another and share a mutual exchange of energy with another, the ability for both to freely give as well as receive love. But what happens when we do not learn to love and accept ourselves? Love in the context of intimate relationship becomes conditional and we place our value and worth in the hands of another in order to meet some deficit we feel within ourselves. This is a recipe for heartache, because, you see no other soul is capable of such a heavy burdon, we simply MUST learn to love and nurture ourselves first and foremost and tap into our own inner being, source within.
For many of us who never received healthy love and consistant nurturing growing up, we developed unhealthy coping mechanisms for survival. We either numbed out, filled the deficits with external pleasures and/or we developed toxic patterns of protection.
Now as adults we must change those patterns in order to connect with others with the depth we desire and build healthy, balanced relationships from there. One of equal exchange.
We MUST learn how to nurture ourselves in healthy ways. Some very helpful techniques are: Learning to feel our emotions fully and send love to those wounded parts of ourselves, or hold space for that hurting inner child. Seeking out an experienced energy healer to assist in clearing energetic blockages that keep us in a place of stagnancy, begin a meditation practice where we can temporarily silence those inner voices while tapping into our own, powerful inner being who ALWAYS knows the way and most certainly knows that which is in alignment with our highest good and passion-filled purpose.
While I do not subscribe to the belief that until we learn to love ourselves, we cannot share love with another, by learning to love and nurture ourselves first and foremost our relationships have a greater long term survival rate in my opinion, and are most certainly a lot more peaceful and calm than bringing another full on into our toxic, unhealed patterns.
Here’s to doing the work guys! Healing is far from easy, but oh so worth it.