Gestation

So many of us give up on our dreams prematurely because we either resist, or grow weary during the gestation period.
It occurred to me this morning that when life (passion) is sparked within the womb it is an initial merging of two separate ‘elements’ a sperm and an egg. These two elements join together creating a third element, this third element is then planted deep within the darkness of the womb where it will grow, and form into a thriving new life form.
It is in the darkness of the womb that it is nourished and nurtured, under the protection of mother. It does nothing but receive, grow and rest.
As it continues to grow it begins experiencing the constraints of its environment eventually, it is now way too large to be held in darkness any longer.
And with a sudden gush, the waters are released and this life is pushed down through the darkness of the birth canal and at long last brought into light. (Realization)
How often we rush this process. Through pain and discomfort, ups and downs, fear and anticipation we want what we want and we want it now! Yet if born prematurely , this new life, this third energy would fail to thrive when faced with the external elements outside the womb.
We grow so weary and impatient during this gestation period and through striving try to  birth our dreams too soon for them to actually come into the physical and thrive. With all things in life that carry deep value, there simply must be a time dedicated to growth and nourishment. And as impatient as we might become during the gestation process it is an excellent opportunity to dream, to visualize exactly what it is we desire and to simply allow ourselves to gain greater wisdom for the coming journey, our journey home to our most authentic selves living a life of purpose and passion.

New Beginings

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”

-Lao Tzu

Painful endings seem to be the theme right now for so many. Whether it’s a career change, a move, a relationship, old beliefs being stripped away, or old patterns that no longer serve us or others. Yet in order to create space for the new, we must let go of the old. Though no longer fruitful, the old is familiar and offers a sense of safety and security albeit false.

It is a painful process, this stripping away, especially when we cannot see even a glimmer of hope on the horizon. It is like walking through a thick fog not completely sure where we might end up. It is scary and can really throw us off balance pretty easily. The trick, i think is to just keep walking and somehow come to terms with the not knowing. This takes radical faith to say the least, and complete surrender, but really what other options do we have?  It feels like the final stages of labor. And through wave after wave of pain and discomfort we tend to lose sight of the beautiful, miraculous gift thats nearly ours to embrace. The tangibility of new life realized at long last. A few more pushes beloveds, surrender to the process from a place on non resistance which only brings more pain and exhaustion. 

We are almost there, very soon the substance of what we’ve  hoped for, the evidence fully seen. ❤

Alchemical Process-Sacred Union

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

-Carl Jung 

I think what most of us desire on the deepest level is connection. I am all for love and tend to be a romantic at heart, but connection is something far beyond love.
Out of an entire ocean of people it is nothing short of miraculous to find that one person, (or select few if you are really lucky), that you connect with on every level. Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. It is extremely rare indeed.

I have gathered stories over the years through my travels and experiences of those who have found such a deep connection.

 I am an observer and when one stumbles upon the beauty of such a connection it is easy to recognize. When they are together they radiate pure love.

I was pondering this morning how that must feel, to live out your life with a partner you share such a depth of connection with.

I am a bit unusual in that I tend to enjoy my solitude. I am not one who needs a relationship per se, because as i have experienced being with a person who I don’t connect with entirely only brings discontent and a deeper loneliness than if i were on my own. I think many choose partners who will fit into their world, who will meet their needs or fill some sort of void, or fill that place of lonliness and discontent.

I will admit that facing the world solo, and carrying the weight of everyday struggles can be overwhelming and lonely at times, but being with the wrong person only adds to that heaviness.

Two autonomous souls who each have their own unique passions, their own interests, who are comfortable within themselves seek those who add another layer of beauty, love and life to their already rich existence.Although already complete on an individual level, this sense of greater, deeper completion is birthed.

There is a certain alchemy here of two individual substances, merged, creating a third , combined substance, profound love that becomes an elixir to offer healing to the world through osmosis in a very natural, organic way.

Yet, every couple I have spoken to that shares such a connection, an alchemical union has also described this alchemical process as one of the greatest challenges both have faced. From an alchemical perspective this process involves 7 stages, each with varying degrees of intensity. The process below was taken from various sources online, mostly from. http://www.esotericonline.net

First Stage – Calcination

This is the destruction of ego and our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a natural humbling process as we are gradually assaulted and overcome by the trials and tribulations of life, though it can be a deliberate surrender of our inherent hubris gained through a variety of spiritual disciplines that ignite the fire of introspection and self-evaluation.

Physiologically, the Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine. Calcination begins in the Base or Lead Chakra at the sacral cup at the base of the spine.

Second Stage – Dissolution

Psychologically, this represents a further breaking down of the artificial structures of the psyche by total immersion in the unconscious, non-rational, feminine or rejected part of our minds. It is, for the most part, an unconscious process in which our conscious minds let go of control to allow the surfacing of buried material. It is opening the floodgates and generating new energy from the waters held back. Dissolution can be experienced as “flow,” the bliss of being well-used and actively engaged in creative acts without traditional prejudices, personal hang-ups, or established hierarchy getting in the way.

Physiologically, Dissolution is the continuance of the opening-up of energy channels in the body to recharge and elevate every single cell. Dissolution takes place in the Genital or Tin Chakra and involves the lungs and spleen.

Third Stage – Separation

Psychologically, this process is the rediscovery of our essence and the reclaiming of dream and visionary “gold” previously rejected by the masculine, rational part of our minds. It is, for the most part, a conscious process in which we review formerly hidden material and decide what to discard and what to reintegrate into our refined personality. Much of this shadowy material is things we are ashamed of or were taught to hide away by our parents, churches, and schooling. Separation is letting go of the self-inflicted restraints to our true nature, so we can shine through.

Physiologically, Separation is following and controlling the breath in the body as it works with the forces of Spirit and Soul to give birth to new energy and physical renewal. Separation begins in the Navel or Iron Chakra located at the level of the solar plexus.

Fourth Stage – Conjunction

Psychologically, it is empowerment of our true selves, the union of both the masculine and feminine sides of our personalities into a new belief system or an intuitive state of consciousness. The alchemists referred to it as the Lesser Stone, and after it is achieved, we discover union with the Over self. Often, synchronicities begin to occur that confirm the alchemist is on the right track.

Physiologically, Conjunction is using the body’s sexual energies for personal transformation. Conjunction takes place in the body at the level of the Heart or Copper Chakra.

Fifth Stage – Fermentation

Physiologically, Fermentation is the rousing of living energy (chi) in the body to heal and vivify. It is expressed as vibratory tones and spoken truths emerging from the Throat or Mercury Chakra.

Sixth Stage – Distillation

Psychologically, Distillation is the agitation and sublimation of psychic forces is necessary to ensure that no impurities from the inflated ego or deeply submerged id are incorporated into the next and final stage. Personal Distillation consists of a variety of introspective techniques that raise the content of the psyche to the highest level possible, free from sentimentality and emotions, cut off even from one’s personal identity. Distillation is the purification of the unborn Self ¾ all that we truly are and can be.

Physiologically, Distillation is raising the life force repeatedly from the lower regions in the cauldron of the body to the brain (what Oriental alchemists called the Circulation of the Light), where it eventually becomes a wondrous solidifying light full of power. Distillation is said to culminate in the Third, Eye area of the forehead, at the level of the pituitary and pineal glands, in the Brow or Silver Chakra.

Seventh Stage – Coagulation

Psychologically, Coagulation is first sensed as a new confidence that is beyond all things, though many experience it as a Second Body of golden coalesced light, a permanent vehicle of consciousness that embodies the highest aspirations and evolution of mind. Coagulation incarnates and releases the Ultima Materia of the soul, the Astral Body, which the alchemists also referred to it as the Greater or Philosopher’s Stone. 

Physiologically, this stage is marked by the release of the Elixir in the blood that rejuvenates the body into a perfect vessel of health. A brain ambrosia is said to be released through the interaction of light from the phallic-shaped pineal gland and matter from the vulva of the pituitary. This heavenly food or viaticum both nourishes and energizes the cells without any waste products being produced. These physiological and psychological processes create the Second Body, a body of solid light that emerges through the Crown or Gold Chakra.
The alchemical process is not for the faint of heart, clearly. It is the phoenix rising from the ashes. It involves a total destruction of all that is artificial of all old thought patterns and beliefs. And this is why few truly achieve sacred union. It is easier to continue on with what offers comfort. Yet, comfort always has an underlying restless, unfufilled yearning attached to it. 

A New Garment 

​It isn’t what we DO, or accomplish that defines us,  it’s who we ARE. 

Embracing who we are in both the shadowy realms of darkness and under the illuminating brightness of daylight.
We are both and, above as below.
Through the long arduous journey through the deepest valley of suffering, to the highest peaks of joy, who have we become at our journeys end?
Have our sorrows birthed in us greater compassion, empathy,  kindness and strength? Have we abandoned ourselves in the valley of sorrow and allowed darkness to consume us, become blinded by the blazing sun choosing the comfort of denial to avoid the fear of night?
Each and every part of our journey carries deeper truths along the way; from bloody battle ground to quiet moments of rest and recovery beside still water, we carry each and every experience within us as we make our way back home, delicate threads now intricitally woven together into a garment of strength, beauty, and quality of character. Once stripped naked and exposed, we now find ourselves clothed in a new garment of our own original design.
We then offer our experiences to others through living our passions, our purpose creating fertile ground for connection,  inspiration and ultimately healing.

And then, She leaped off into the Great Unknown

7/1716

Throughout the day i felt as if i were on the edge of a cliff.  I have endured 5 painfully intense years of deep inner healing, shadow work as Jung would call it.  A stripping away of years worth of conditioning where I lost myself in the end. I often refer to the past 5 years (really began 10 years ago with a dream) as a coming home, returning to that place of passion and childlike wonder. 

The final year was a bitch.

 I was required to go deeper into shadow land than ever before, to that place of the most painful core wounds. I recall days where all I could do was lie in bed curled up in a ball and cry for hours. I didn’t even understand why I was crying most of the time. I later came to realize that this was a process of purging or releasing and it was vital, and deeply healing.

I began, in a desperate attempt for relief to forgive every single person I could think of who ever hurt me. I mean, honestly forgive and release them from any obligation to prove that they were sorry or repentant. 

And suddenly, the heaviness began to lift. Day by day I felt more and more peace and deeper love and tenderness, kindness and compassion for myself and others.

I would walk around town and interract with people, seeing right through their masks to who they really were, feeling their struggles, joys and sorriws. Sometimes this was a beautiful experience, other times a bit disturbing to say the least, but I have learned through this dark night how to shield myself as an empath from negative energy while still remaining present with others.

And then 7/17

I had been seeing the number 717 and 707 everywhere for weeks, if not months. I looked back in my journal and noticed i’d jotted down the date 7/17 back in April as a pivotal time on this journey. 

The cliff

Here i stood the morning of 7/17/16 I had this inner knowing that this particular season had come to an end at last, the deep purging had ceased and it was time to take a leap into the great unknown. 

Over the course of 10 years I had srudied and trained in the areas of holistic health, herbalism, nutrition, psychology and had gone deep spiritually through my dark night,  doing the necessary soul work. And now I was being asked to leap and accept my calling, my purpose.

The problem was I only had puzzle pieces and no real well laid out plan. And suddenly i was reminded of that dream I’d had, that life altering dream years back, where I was walking all alone down that moonlit path only able to see a few steps in front of me. Here I was being asked to respond to the call by taking the leap, trusting that I would land safely down upon a brand new path and that all would be revealed rather quickly upon landing. I had the choice to turn back, but in turning back I would remain stuck, walking back into the past and dealing with the same old issues, those all to familiar demons. Round and round and round. 

It took me most of the day and much wrestling with my ego, my fears, the possibility of rejection,  and further abandonment…Closer and closer to the edge I inched. In answering this call I had no idea what I would be facing and I knew once I took this leap there would be no turning back, life as I knew it would never be the same. There was a certain somberness, a holiness out here on the edge.

I called a mentor of mine who had srood by me through this process for three years. “Just do it, jump” I spoke to friends, loved ones, family, searching for guidance and direction. But i quickly realized no one was going to hold my hand through this, this was to be a very personal, solo act of faith that I alone had to make this decision.

I journaled, prayed, asked for just a little hint of what was awaiting me at the bottom….silence. All I heard was jump or remain stagnant, miserable and discouraged.

Suddenly I was right on the edge and I began crying and bargaining with the powers that be.

Nope

I started trembling,  and crying from the deepest place inside of me, and finally I said… 

Ok, I accept this call on my life, today I choose to jump. I choose to accept the uncertainty, the unknown and me deepest fears and trust that in taking this leap I will be protected, provided for and safe.

I jumped, compmetely alone….

I was then filled with the deepest peace I had ever known and the greatest sense of relief. There was no loud crash, no choir of angels singing the halelujah chorus, there was no more fear, but a profound sense of freedom, excitement, passion and love.

Passion, often feels like anger misplaced, anticipation like crippling fear…

 Yet a slight adjustment in our thinking and we find ourselves experiencing renewed passion and anticipation of greater things to come.

More to come as I chronicle this epic adventure. Already, day 3 post leap and I feel like a different person. Amazing new insight has been given daily, keys that are unlocking doors to my purpose. There is no going back. I journey on.

I choose to jump

“Sometimes you just have to jump out the window and grow wings on the way down.”

-Ray Bradbury

At some point in our lives we come face to face with fear. Old fears deeply ingrained in us. We find ourself standing at the edge of a proverbial cliff. We realize to jump would mean we risk falling, becoming completely broken.
We look back into the darkness, a darkness that has become agonizing, yet familiar, and for years, often times the better part of our lives this darkness, though miserable has offered a certain level of comfort. We know what to expect, there’s certainty and familiarity.  Yet it has left us numb, dead inside.
Do we take the risk? Do we leap?

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”
-Rumi

I would have to say yes! Although leaping off into the great unknown is terrifying, it is also exhilarating! It becomes a leap into deep freedom we never would have known had we chosen to remain in darkness.  As we leap, we learn to fly, this takes time, strength and perseverance.  But we eventually find ourselves soaring higher than we’ve ever dreamed possible. Learning to fly can be awkward and messy, and there are times we find ourselves longing to return to that place of false security and familiarity upon solid ground even though we know we never truly can go back.

But as we continue to fly, eventually we find rest upon solid ground once again. And this is where we learn to walk. This is the begining of a new journey for us.

So when given the choice, I’d like to encourage you to choose the leap.

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A Paradigm shift? The New Male Warrior

I had a dream many years ago that was so profound that it haunted me for quite a while until I finally understood the meaning.

I joined a certain mystery man who was nameless , faceless on a men’s empowerment cruise. I don’t know how I was allowed on the ship as I was the only woman present. There were various  world leaders offering instruction and guidance to the male passengers through workshops and seminars. These leaders were defined by societies standards as successful. They wore expensive suits, and appeared physically flawless.

About halfway into the voyage while far out at sea I felt a shift in the atmosphere. There was an announcement over the ships PA system for all men to report to the deck for their supplement. As I stood in line with my companion I felt a sense of panic and dread. Yet I remained silent and observed. As we approached the front of the line I realized these men were being given hallucinogenics. My companion and I made our way back to our cabin where I tried to tell him what I had seen. He looked at me as if he was confused by what I was saying, but defended the actions of the leaders. I went into the bathroom feeling frustrated and powerless. I sunk into the bath tub and cried.

Suddenly there was a another announcement over the ships PA system. The ship had  veered of course and the captain would be docking at a nearby island temporarily to avoid an approaching storm. As we disembarked all men were required to pass through a small building for ‘inspection.’ They all complied. By now they had become like zombies from the drugs theyd been given and simply followed orders without questionong a thing. Panicked, I left my male companion and snuck around the side of the building. To my complete horror inside the building each of the men entering were being castrated. I desperately, but quietly tried to warn them but it was as if they couldn’t hear me. My companion was nowhere to be found. I fled into the jungle searching for him. Finally I sat under a tree and began crying. I heard movement nearby and suddenly locked eyes with him. He appeared frightened yet defensive as he wasn’t sure exactly who his enemy was anymore. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I begged him to wake up and snap out of it. He seemed torn and confused.

I hopped on a four wheeler and begged him to come with me. He then looked deep into my eyes, dropped his gun and hopped on the vehicle with me. We drove to the edge of the island, then up into the sky. A portal opened up and we were taken into another demension to warn others of what we’d wittnessed. It suddenly became our new, joined mission.

 

This dream does sound crazy and far fetched. Yet I believe the masculine has been subject to years of this type of conditioning on a very subtle level. They’ve been thrust into a system that defines success based on material possesions, and superficial rewards. Many men have lost touch with their feminine qualities such as intuition they’ve lost touch with their emotions and have become slaves to an ego based system of false achievement and empty rewards.

In the end, this illusion of ‘masculinity’ this artificial idea of what a real, successful man is supposed to be,  led them to castration, a true stripping away of their masculine power and a homogenization that became the new norm.

Yet, I believe this is changing. So many men are waking up and ‘jumping ship’ so to speak. They are recognizing the need for balance within and are choosing to seek out and pursue their true purpose and passion at all costs.

Now that is the heart of a true warrior!

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