Connection- The Great INFJ Dilema

As infj’s/HSP I think many of us are faithful to a fault. It’s as if we see the hidden potential in others and once we truly open ourselves up we stand by those we care for through thick and thin, often times sacrificing our own happiness, resources, time and energy.  We want to believe that our love for others can save them.

It takes a lot for me to turn my back on someone who I’ve invested time, love and energy in, and I mean a lot.

I think many of us are always willing to work through differences and challenges with others and can forgive even the most unforgivable deeds.  Where it becomes a problem, I believe is when these friendships become one sided. Where we are the only ones who are willing to fight. It seems one of our greatest weaknesses is we are willing to sacrafice our own happiness to ‘rescue’ others. And more often than not, in the end we become doormats and open ourselves up to those who will take advantage of us without a second thought, they just don’t want to change, but instead demand our compliance to keep the ‘friendship’ going is sometimes subtle as well as not so subtle ways.

I can’t live that life any longer. It never ends well.  

What I’ve come to understand is when I reach that point of separating myself from others, it’s more an act of self love than punishment I choose to inflict on others. Because when it comes down to it we have to be our own savior. No one else is going to rescue us or fight for us, we must learn to fight for ourselves.

I never take pleasure in hurting another, especially someone I’ve devoted my time, love and energy to. As a matter of fact it breaks my heart to hurt another, yet why is it acceptable to so many of us to hurt ourselves?  If we find ourselves continually trying to explain our thoughts, actions and words to others, maybe it’s time to just part ways and accept the fact that we just don’t click. Not everyone going to like us or understand us and that’s ok, or at least it should be I think. 

The majority of infj’s in particular feel misunderstood and alone in many of our connections. So much so that when we do indeed meet and connect with others who understand us we deeply value these connections.  We are also masters of our own little worlds. Most of us do quite well with a small handful of friends who truly get us and also rather enjoy our alone time. To have people in our lives just to fill a void is rarely an option for us.  We need deep, meaningful connection and understanding.  This is why so many of us choose to remain single. For it’s better for us to be alone than with the wrong person.  However this is also an area of inner conflict for us as we spend our lives longing for deep, intimate love and connection. Often this longing is expressed through art, poetry, music and various other creative outlets. 

One thought on “Connection- The Great INFJ Dilema

  1. I agree completely with what you’ve said. As INFJ’s we really do just care so much and want to help everyone. It’s always saddened me to realize not many people have ever wanted to help me that way. Eventually the people you put so much effort into just stop trying and we are left caring alone.. It is so difficult. I hope you have had better luck than I with making those lasting friendship connections. It can be a toughie! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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