I never really believed in the concept of ‘soul mates’ or ‘twin flames’. Love was never really my thing. As a young girl most boys I met seemed shallow and superficial. I lived in a very rich inner world and spent most of my time writing, making music and skating. I was friends with a lot of boys, but it never really went much farther than that. The few times that I did decide to get involved with a guy I dealt with extreme jealousy, cheaters or superficial interaction.
In my adult life I remained married for 21 years to the same man. It was a safe, solid marriage. It wasn’t until after my divorce that I really gained a better understanding of what was ‘out there’. Three years of dating opened my eyes to the ins and outs of relationships. I was totally clueless I’m ashamed to say and way too trusting and naive. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the course of the past 5 years.
- Take time to heal after a divorce or coming out of a long term relationship- It takes time to heal, recover and decide clearly what exactly we desire wihin a realationship. It’s a confusing time full of mixed emotions. Although the lonliness feels overwhelming at times, the wound raw, it really is best to allow ourselves to heal before jumping into something new. This time frame is different for everyone, take as long as you need to resolve the conflicting emotions within. There are many out there who will take advantage of your vulnerabilities . Protect your heart by giving yourself time to heal and gain a clearer perspective on what it in exactly that you desire.
- Learn to identitify love vs lust.- This was a huge and very painful lesson for me. Being inexperienced I was clueless in regards to this scenario. Be weary of those who initially come on strong, professing their love early on and using over the top flattery. There are many men (and women I’d guess) who live for the thrill of the chase. They will come on fast any furious, put you on a pedestal, convince you that you are’the one’. Sadly, once they realize they caught you they will quickly disappear leaving you heartbroken. These types usually are emotionally unavailable and live for the high of the initial attraction, yet once issues start popping up they check out. The best advice I have to offer is to guard your heart. It’s easy to proclaim such declarations of love while the flames of passion are burning, yet the truth is revealed once those flames die down to a simmer. It took three short term relationships to learn this sadly.
- Pay attention to actions, talk is cheap- A huge lesson! It’s not what people say, it’s what they DO. If you find words and actions that don’t line up, that’s a huge red flag. Talk is cheap. If someone REALLY loves you, you will know, you’ll never have to continually question it, you will know by their actions or lack thereof.
Yes, it’s been a painful process, yet I still believe in the idea of soulmates and twin flames. Sometimes we must learn what love isn’t before we get to experience love in it’s fullest . I learned something from each of the men I dated. But the biggest lesson I learned was that love and acceptance, value and strength must first and foremost come from within ourselves. As we continue to value ad love ourselves we will raise our standards and no longer tolerate mistreatment or disrespect. When we reach a place of feeling whole and complete within we no longer seek anything or anyone outside of ourselves for validation, approval or happiness. No, we don’t NEED another, we DESIRE another to add to our already rich lives. Huge difference! We attract what we feel we deserve. If we feel undeserving of true, mutual love and committment we will attract those who are emotionally unavailable and non committal. If we feel deserving of true love, respect and committment we will no longer tolerate being treated as a mere option in a sea of pretty faces.
For those of us desiring true unconditional love we must first experience the pain of loss and choose to learn from those who have caused the deepest pain. They are catalysts.
From all of the pain, the pleasure and challenge emerges your greatest opportunity for growth and spiritual development. In learning the lessons from your soul-mate relationship you can begin the process of moving on and healing; clearing away those blockages that previously prevented you from giving and receiving love unconditionally. It is only when you are able to do this that you will be ready to open your heart to the prospect of meeting your true love. That person who brings out the best in you; loves, supports and challenges you in a way that enables you to be the best possible version of yourself. This person is most commonly referred to as our Twin Flame.
As the name suggests your Twin Flame is, indeed your twin. Together you have balance; you compliment the strength and weaknesses of one another, coming together for a greater purpose whilst forming a strong partnership. This relationship is all about balance, love and harmony something that cannot be achieved when one, or both partners are still holding on those shadow aspects of themselves. Those shadow aspects being fear, negative thoughts and emotions. Your twin flame will enter your life when you are in that place where you no longer feel the need to dominate your lover or relationship, no longer fear rejection or no longer carry the expectation that every romantic partner is going to betray you. When you have let go of the love issues, patterns and behaviours from the past you free yourself up to experience the love of a lifetime that is right for you.
You can find the full Om Times article on soulmates/Twin Flames Here