I’ve been waking up between 2-3 am now for weeks. As soon as I open my eyes there’s an image in my minds eye of someone I’m supposed to help in some way. The faces change, but the burden remains. . So I send love, peace and compassion. There’s little else I can do, I feel so very small at times.
Why was I given these ‘assignment’, this ability to feel the pain of others? I may never know. All I know is if I don’t follow what I know I’m supposed to do I feel literally sick to my stomach.
Why have some of us been given this ability, this ‘gift’? What difference can I even make? I think some of us have been sent here to help others heal through unconditional love. Love is such a powerful force, given freely without expectation of reward. But I have to be honest, I’m tired. I feel empty and alone at times.
It’s becoming more and more difficult for me to relate to the status quo. I feel as if my time must be spread out with focused intention. I have no idea where I’m headed or how my life will unfold. I am literally walking one step at a time sometimes surrounded by darkness, following a stream of light one footstep at a time. This is truly terrifying and amazing.
I am forced to live in the moment.
I suppose much of my discomfort comes from being in situations over the years where I gave of myself in order to help others, and in the end I failed. Was it the potential that I held on to? And how do I know that I am not re-running old patterns again? The difference here is, it’s love that guides me these days, whereas before it was love mixed with much ego. So, I guess I just answered my own question.
The answer is to simply question my motives, and ask myself if I’m being motivated by love or ego.
I began reading The Little Prince last night. I’d forgotten how much I love this book. So much resonated with me. I especially enjoyed the dialogue between the little prince and the fox. Sometimes in our eagerness to help others we often hinder, whether through our words, or impulsive actions, the impulse to ‘do something’.
My lesson in this has been all about patience and wisdom.
This quote in particular stood out to me.
This is a perfect illustration, and this is often times what is needed in dealing with the wounded, the broken. To help create something of true value patience and dedication are vital. But first, I learn to tame the wild beast within myself (ego)