Growing up I was labeled a dreamer early on. I vascilated between being easily distracted and went off into my own little world, and hyper focused, which made it difficult for me to switch gears and move from one task to another.
I felt frustrated constantly, but had a difficult time expressing this to my parents and teachers.
I wasn’t hyper, i was actually a shy, introverted child. I was labeled a dreamer. My adhd is more the inattentive type.
I was tested somewhere around fourth or fifth grade and was identified as highly gifted. This label actually became more of a curse. ADHD was not yet identified. Being gifted, my teachers and parents placed higher expectations on me. And then the dreaded ‘she’s not living up to her potential’ speech during parent teacher meetings.
I’ve always loved to write, but I found it difficult because I’d hyper focus on punctuation and grammar and lose my train of thought. Now when I write, I have to just let it flow and find myself going back over my writing at least a half a dozen times to edit, even if it’s a simple Facebook post or blog post. This sucks up way too much of my time unfortunately.
And the dreaded rabbit trails, ugh. I work at my computer during the day and become easily distracted following links, interesting conversations etc. before I know it hours have gone by and I’ve not reached my daily goals.
I took a short break from the internet almost the entire day Friday, and spent my time meditating, being still and seeking clarity and direction. I received some great insight Friday night and am working to put my plan into action.
ADHD is maddening. People often joke about it and make light of it, but imagine going about your day, your brain blasting 20 different radio stations at once. Add to this the numerous tasks thrown in that must be accomplished for your livelihood. When this all becomes mentally overwhelming, we simply shut down and often become depressed, beat ourselves up and go into our caves. The biggest frustration for me, being an infj is the whole perfectionism thing. I can’t just accomplish something and be ok with it, it must be perfect, if I can’t do it perfectly I become frustrated and beat myself up, so I procrastinate.
I’ve identified adhd as my biggest obstacle in reaching my goals, so this is where my plan begins.
I’ve downloaded two apps. One that tracks my time online and another that will help manage my time throughout the day, breaking large tasks down into smaller, more manageable chunks. Although this feels somewhat overwhelming right now, I know in the long run it will help me accomplish my goals. Some of the benefits of living with adhd are stubbornness and hyper focus. I’ll attempt to re-direct this energy into the tasks at hand. I’ll also commit to taking my full dose of medication daily as opposed to only taking half in the morning (Trying to save money).
This is step one for me. Next step comes after a solid week of sticking with this initial plan.
I would like to highly recommend a wonderful book by Stacey Turis called: Here’s to Not Catching Our Hair on Fire: An Absent-Minded Tale of Life with Giftedness and Attention Deficit – Oh Look! A Chicken!
You can find it here