Day by day I am becoming more ‘myself’ than I have ever been. This is REALLY scary. What has conformity done for me?
Sometimes, I don’t even know who I really am.
I was raised in a home where nobody really got me. It was not ok to show too much emotion and there really wasn’t much freedom to express yourself. This lead me to believe, for years that there was something wrong with me.
I was a painfully shy child who actually preferred to be alone and write, draw, create, ponder. I just really enjoyed my solitude.But as the years went on, I slowly transformed into the girl that I was expected to be. Outgoing, always upbeat, focused on those things society places value in. I was mother, entrepreneur, wife, friend to everyone..I was exhausted.
Truth is, I am still very much that little girl. I love my quiet, alone time, I never run out of things to do. I still love to write, paint and go on little adventures in the woods barefoot.
Yes, I am still, that quiet, sensitive, tender hearted little girl.
My Meyers Briggs personality type is INFJ. The rarest type. It is no wonder I have always felt like the proverbial square peg/round hole. I often feel misunderstood by others.
I am coming out of a very dark season of my life often referred to by many mystics and spirituals as “The Dark Night of the Soul” Unless you’ve experienced it, it is difficult to convey. It is basically a breaking down of everything you’ve ever trusted and relied on for security. It is a time of deep transformation. It feels like death.
I have chosen to once again blog about my journey in the hopes of helping others to maybe not feel so alone, but also a a means of deeper healing.
Hope you enjoy this little journey with me.