It occured to me somewhere around 2012 that I was not defined by what I did or did not do, but about who I was, or who I chose to become as a person, or even un-become if that feels more true 😉
Being the sci-fi geek that I am, I compare my awakening process to escaping the Matrix. Yes, I chose the red pill, clearly and there was no turning back.
I was given hints of this process that was about to launch me way off into the deep, dark unknown, years before it fully began through a series of dreams foretelling of the grand adventures to come.
Around 2012 I began feeling like I was living my life on a movie set. People going about their daily lives, playing their respective roles in the ‘Matrix’ like pre-programmed droids.
It was as if the amnsesia began lifting and I was given bits and pieces of who I really was. The more I came in contact with those truer aspects of myself, the more repulsed I became with those roles I wittnessed in both myself and others while still deep in the Matrix.
So, I guess you can say the past seven years has been the most challenging years (thus far) of my personal journey, the journey back home to self.
As of late I have discovered the importance of being in touch, connected to and in synch with source (aka, my inner being). I have recognized how I have spent a good portion of my life relying on outer circumstances to bring me peace, joy, contentment, etc. A life of constant searching and striving for those missing pieces, those fragments that I believed once found and re-assembled would magically bring me to my greatest purpose and at last that sense of fufillment I had spent my entire life searching for.
Well, damn if I didn’t have it backwards all along. Faced with one disappointment and perceived failure after another it occured to me at long last that the more I came into alignment with my inner being, who I ‘really am’, the more those circumstances outside of my control began to shift.
It is not what we do, but who we are that defines us. -Me
This ‘great revelation’ took so much pressure off of me! Learning to let go of the proverbial oars and allow source to carry me to where I need to be is becoming my new normal.
My inner being, or higher self knows each and every desire down to the last detail, my only job is to release the resistance I have built against those desires. Who knew I had built so much? I thought I had my shit together pretty well.
So tis a new season for this lass. One of curiousity, adventure and the wittness of a beautiful, (albeit a bit scary at times) unfolding.